hollylynn says: installment 1

nathan writes:

This has always baffled me. Why do girls like jerky guys who treat them badly? Growing up, I was always "the friend" and by some miracle managed to find an awesome girl who liked me anyway. *whew*

But for all the others out there who might not be as lucky, what is it about being nice that kills the interest?


dear puzzled in provo,

this is a very good question. listen up, boys stuck in "the friend zone." you might learn something.

there are two reasons that this happens:

a) the guy provides a safe place to fall instead of excitement and intrigue
b) the guy's dating tactics are all wrong

gratefully, both can be overcome. i will elaborate:

a) you're a soft place to fall. remember when harry and sally finally decided to be friends? harry was always level-headed and understanding without taking sides or getting all dramatic. sally provided that for harry too, and he was a very non-threatening presence in her life - constant, dependable, the friend.

sally eventually came around because she realized, like all women do, that as much fun as fun is (ha - "yes," said george wade, "isn't fun...fun?"), the soft place to fall is just as important.

if you're her soft place to fall, play that role. but live your life. if she is telling you about men she dates, then you should be out there and asking for her advice about women you see. dating around will make you a more interesting person to her. it will either make her realize that you're worth more than she thought, or it will help you move on (sometimes both, and boy is that another post for another day).

b) your dating tactics are all wrong. remember when chris brander moved to los angeles, lost all that weight and became fabulously wealthy? when he came back, he knew something invaluable. his friend had a lunch date with a woman. he talked to chris. it went like this:

chris: how are things going with gina?
friend: good; we're having lunch tomorrow.
chris: what...a day date?
friend: what's wrong with that?
chris: it's like the express lane to the friend zone. pretty soon she'll be treating you like a non-sexual object. like a brother. or a lamp.
friend: i don't want to be a lamp.
chris: no. listen, do yourself a favor: call gina, change your day date to night, play aloof the whole time and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end, because friends don't kiss.

granted, chris learned the hard way that playing aloof is not the way to go, but he had a point.

the "dating game" has rules for a reason: they work.

now, don't play games with peoples' hearts, but make your intentions clear, and have confidence! if there's one thing anna stern taught seth cohen ("confidence, cohen!") is that confidently going for what you want, believing you are worth it is exactly how you get summer roberts, or anything else you want.

hope that helps. now boys, go get your girl.

xoxo
hollylynn



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Timestamp: 2008-11-18 02:20:59 UTC