in case you were wondering...

don't speed in highland. don't speed even if you're going with the flow of traffic, don't speed if you're on your way to the hospital, don't speed because you think you won't get caught.

because you will get pulled over.

and die.

errr, get an 82 dollar ticket if you're cited for going 5 over the speed limit. look, just don't go it. ok?* the scientists invented cruise control for a reason.

looks like a lotta ya's were prancing around in the same ignorant bliss i was until a couple weeks ago, give the results of the last skinny poll.

well, now you know.

and remember, dear ones: people first, then money. then things...then...jackets (thanks kristin wiig. that still makes me giggle, even if i did get a speeding ticket)

*special prize if you can name the movie monologue this post is loosely based on.

i hope i'm a seven.

thanks hannah (of "you mean we aren't the only ones gossiping??") for pointing me to this funny/true video clip. if you love me and you want me to be happy, you'll watch this. love the lady on that rolly thing pulling herself along with an iron.

bad blogger.

who's never gonna have any authority on technorati if she keeps up this sporadic blogging behavior? oh yeah, me. well to get y'all up to speed, let me take you on a little trip through my random thought patterns over the past week:

1. the hills just let me down this week. i don't know what to say. i mean, cast of the hills, are we six years old? enough with the birthday parties. i think that after everyone on the cast has their drama-filled birthday parties, they should sit around and fight about who's dad could beat up everyone else's dad. also:

dear spencer pratt,

i don't love to hate you anymore. now i just hate you. but it was pretty cool when you told stephanie, "i can't un-make you my sister." your incredible articulate repartee pretty much made my day.

xoxo,

hollylynn

2. i can hardly freaking wait for monday. that's right: premieres of gossip girl and one tree hill. i mean, will dan and serena get back together? who did lucas scott propose to? i broke down and bought the box set of gg season 1, and i feel totally prepared. also:

dear chuck bass,

you're a dirtbag, but i have some major sympathy for you. when you watch the whole season right in a row, it's obvious that you genuinely love blair. also i laughed and laughed when serena threw that coke in your face and said, "what is your problem?!" and you replied, totally calm, "please define the context."

xoxo,
hollylynn

3. i moved into my new townhouse. love it. tons of storage, lots of light, but tiny bathroom. i will live. also, it's always cold on the main floor and always DANG hot in my room. can hardly wait for fall now for three reasons: boots with tights, the seasonally correct wearing of scarves, and my room cooling off.

why dontcha do me a little favor and take my new highly scientific poll.

go read this.

i read the hills recap on i *heart* you. it's the best thing i've ever read. i erred on the side of brevity with my recap but she makes no such mistake.

actually good advice...for once.

i know...yawn. you don't even want to read this because it's about jessica "what i really want is my foundation to match my face" alba. she is boring. i'll give you that.

but today i was on people.com and they were talking about her. the headline, to be exact, was:

Revealed: Jessica Alba's Secret for Losing the Baby Weight!

yep, that was definitely it.

to which i thought, rolling my eyes, 'here comes a bunch of bologna.' mindi, you know what i'm talking about. "i just chase around my kid! that is diet enough for me! and look i'm a size 0!"

but the article actually talked about how she is on this intense low-carb, low-fat diet and does a ton of cardio, core and circuit training 6 days a week.

ok fine.

but i still think you're the most boring woman in hollywood and i think you gave your kid a weird name.

new business plan.

today kathleen emailed me this. which she saw in an actual retail store in these united states, i believe.now, i'm just as offended by bad grammar as the next girl, but i do believe there is a highly successful business plan here. a business marketed to a very niche group of snobby white people.

the business would be making t-shirts (or buttons or magnets or bags or those little tin things that people keep their credit cards in) that shun specific grammatical errors while simultaneously making those grammatical errors. examples i have so far:

improper use of apostrophe's make me cry.

i wonder why people punctuate statements as questions?

i could go on but let's face it, at this point i'm just giving you ideas that you could capitalize on and poach my business.

in conclusion, i enjoy correcting peoples' grammar and i encourage you to correct mine, even though i don't care so much about grammar on my blog because i want these posts to sound like me talking.

also, i hope you are reading fake interviews with real celebrities because she just had a brilliant plan for a new publication called "periods." it comes once a month but is late every once in a while, which makes all the subscribers nervous.

warning: the hills still very rad.

first of all, i loved the hills tonight. let's get that out there right away. lo bosworth: you are such a mean girl. take a class in basic human interaction.

anyhoo, the pettiness did not disappoint and i'm not going to tell you i didn't feel at all famous when i saw the new character, holly. because i kind of did okay?

i like that holly was briefly in town and the first thing heidi did with her was take her somewhere to get extensions. seriously, that kills me.

also loved audrina as always, and i am now officially a justin bobby fan, so there.

be honest.

on a standard scale of 13-39, how excited are you for the hills tonight?

you don't have to be shy. i kind of wish i could tell you that this petty drama didn't interest me at all...only it does. a lot. and how cute is this picture...

pleeeeeese

i loved that dyson commercial where the british guy says,

"i just think things should work properly."

thanks, british guy. could not agree more. i just think my internet service should work properly. i don't care if it's free...it still should work.

reason #1 i am excited about moving this week: the hope that i will have better (although not free) internet service.

i will let you know when i think of more good reasons...

for the wings.

oh my heck; it's helling outside, cheltsea.

hat in hand.

i felt bad. i came to my television in the spirit on contrition. i turned on nbc (ok, sort of hoping to catch a little conan) and what did i find? oh none other than america's favorite sport, men's gymnastics.

it is my personal belief that all of these male gymnasts are approximately 4 feet tall. it is pretty cute how the slightly taller guy has to help them jump up and reach that bar. what is it? the high bar? so the little dudes don't exactly have the hottest vertical, but once they get up there...holy upper body strength. (like you didn't realize that gymnasts were strong already)

one question i have is: what is it with the chalk and the spitting? they chalk up their hands, ok fine, but then they spit on their chalky palms to make what i'm guessing is some sort of really yummy paste. in the words of karen walker,

"what's going on here, honey? what'cha doin'? what's all this?"

modern science has not been able to do anything for these little buddies? there's no potion at big 5 that like, does the same thing? we can do better. maybe gatorade can come up with something? just saying.

thanksss.

i get emails from express practically every day. usually they are either not useful whatsoever ("tank tops in ugly prints. now $12.99") or waaaay to good and i get myself in trouble ($30 off a $70 purchase. dang - i'll race ya!).

but today it was like my mom told express what to email me - editor pants, buy one, get one half off. precisely what i need for fall.

also i'm a bad citizen of planet earth as, despite nbc's best efforts, i have watched approximately 4 minutes of these olympic games.

warning: blake lively still fabulous.

my fav girl is on the cover of cosmo this month and while i don't really care for cosmo, i love people.com, and they had a little piece of the cosmo interview on their site today.

basically, we just add to things we like about blake, who is not a troubled girl but plays one on tv:

1. carefree hair

2. rockin' bod

3. pensive face

4. good girl image

"i've kissed just three people." and "there wasn't a period in my life like serena (her gossip girl character) went through. i never went through that kind of crazy."

5. laughs at herself

"i hope brad pitt doesn't hear this. he's never going to want to marry me!"

you funny, lady!

...horrifying, but very european.

i'm sure by now you know that paris hilton, although not technically running for president, has become the true voice of reason in this campaign.

today newsweek counted down the top seven reasons that paris should be president. from the article:

1. The White House would become the Pink House and the "men on her staff would be cool with it—they'd be shirtless Chippendale types, with names like Leon."

2. Paris-ified first mansion. "She'd have foam parties in the Oval Office for the White House staff and old girlfriends from boarding school."

3. Red-carpet press conferences. "She would answer all questions while walking and posing for a wall of photographers, and they'd be yelling out, 'Paris, look here! Paris, what about rumors of a trade embargo with North Korea!?' "

4.Other questions would also be allowed. "The first half of every conference would be about what she's wearing. Paris would realize that as president she would have to tone it down a little. She'd lean toward Prada."

5. VP Rihanna is waaay effective at solving conflict. "What would happen is, Rihanna would step off the plane in fishnet stockings, music would blare, and whole countries would melt at the sight of her."

6. Scrap Camp David - Adopt LA. "It would be like Bush at the Crawford Ranch. She would be in L.A. more than she would in Washington, D.C."

7. Paris makes it fun. "She would replace the cabins at Camp David with cabanas—and topless would be optional for all world leaders, which would be horrifying but very European."

fine field reporting.

i love joel mchale. love love love.

last weekend i was supposed to see him perform in vegas, and i couldn't. don't ask...i can't even talk about it. BUT, you can read about it here on mindi's blog.

but, of course the journalist in me wanted to send my own correspondent, my aunt joellen who does not have a mom haircut. take it away, joellen:

Well let's just say that it was a little slice of heaven. He was SSOOOOOO nice. I am always so nervous that I would meet someone I enjoyed like Joel and he would be rude. He kept saying how he was so glad that we came, he asked us questions like he really cared. He was more than happy to sign the huge panties (see mindi's blog above for explanation) and then added Ryan! to the crotch.

He is really tall and pretty skinny.

As we embraced I could feel his bones a little, not that I would
break him but maybe a good bruise.

His show was pretty good, personally I could listen to him for hours talking about his boys and his wife and in-laws. He had on some random outfit and I wished later that I would have asked "what is going on here?"

He made a joke about being in Utah and making a George W joke and it went silent then one guy stood up and said "what did you just say". Then he got attacked my a Mormon mob, served his two years and he is all good. We held up our panties in line and said "Mormons for McHale" He asked if we were really Mormons and we said Yes and he said that we are really clean people after smelling the large panties.

well, there you have it, people. joel is real, and he is in fact just as fabulous as we all imagined.

do you tweet?

i know i sound like i'm 80, but all this technology available to us is starting to confuse me.

also, it's starting to cannibalize itself.

we're on a social media kick at work and i have tried to make myself use twitter...to no avail. this technology. it's overwhelming! in fact, my friend becky who sits in the cube behind me at the office and i were talking about this today, over im. i was probably freaking out about how i haven't tweeted in a week and that all this technology is just too hard, and i said something funny.

me: (freaking out about how i can't handle all this technology)
becky: lol
becky: i just told you out loud that was funny but you couldn't hear me because you have your ear buds in.
me: see?

only there's no rest for the weary. because after complaining about it, what do i do as soon as i come home from work and eat my marshmallow matey dinner? i blog about my technology gripes.

that is if my dang internet will cooperate long enough for me to post anything.

love the girlfriends.

1. just saw sisterhood of the traveling pants part dos. highly recommended. reminded me of all my best gal pals. all of you...you can stand under my umbrella.ella.ella.eh..eh...eh.

2. my friend michelle is in new york for three weeks. why. why? WHY? but she still reads my blog. she's a little viking about it, to steal a line from juno. and tonight she posted a comment about my cereal post two posts down that made me full-on el-oh-el. you don't have to dig. i post it for you right here.

the only thing you're missing, michelle, is that if you want to have rilly good dreams about my dills when you're sleeping on your pellow, you want to be sure to have a cup of hot melk before you go to sleep.

xoxo

hollylynn

i'm not sorry.

i am an ashlee simpson fan, and i'm not sorry. here's one that helped me through the day today. i know that it will bless your life as well...if you are receptive to the help. if this player won't cooperate, just go download "boys" from her bittersweet world album. if my internet were semi-functional, i would be able to add it to my playlist...stay tuned...

four tres two uno.

today after work i went to the grocery store and i found what you girls from layt-uhn might call a rill dill. they had those big bags of marshmallow mateys and frosted mini spooners, 4 bags for 4 dollars! 4 me! i was elated. and now i have lotsa off brand cereal.

the end.

i love this dress.

dear blake,

could you be any more amazing? your name is so cute, and your hair so careless. if i were really skinny, i would wear this dress every day and never stop making that pensive face.

also i think you're a reasonably good actress, and i will be seeing sisterhood of the traveling pants 2 on opening night. additionally, i await gossip girl season 2 with bated breath.

xoxo
hollylynn

To be amused by what you read--that is the great spring of happy quotations. - CE Montague

mexico's a nice guy.

tonight after watching sisterhood of the traveling pants (high times, fast cars in happy valley), my friend jon, in mid conversation about america ferrera said,

"wait. her name's america? that's her name?"

it is.

that spurred a very intelligent middle of the night kind of conversation...thinking of as many countries as we could who people are named for. we got:

georgia
kenya
chad
india
asia (not a country but i guess 'america' isn't exactly a country. if her name were united states ferrera, i would not have added asia. see my rationale?)

darfur

bangladesh

and that's not even counting people named after cities: savannah, charlotte, paris, london, brooklyn, dallas, austin, norman, houston, raymond (new hampshire, baby - holla to shauna), kansas city, spanish fork...

we had more, people. we had more. jon claimed to know a guy named "mexico" but we all know he's lying through his teeth to better feel part of the group. why you gotta go and ruin the exercise, jon?

shout me a holler.

kathleen and erin like to say this. i would like to shout a holler to my new best gal pal, gofugyourself.com. if you're not already following it, not only have you been missing out, you will live and die by it for it's frequent posting and it's clever turn of phrase (i just sounded like tobias funke).

now, you know how i feel about slyly mocking peoples' outfits when they're not around to defend themselves. i LOVE it!

aside from the fact that you can't say the name of this blog quickly or loudly without sounding like you have turret's syndrome (hey, today i was reading go fug yourself! and i saw this really ugly dress...), it's some dang good writing about some dang interesting outfits. and don't worry, the writer gives credit where credit's due and often points out those celebs that are looking extra good.

you should now go and read it. i said now.