officially bothered.

ok, i'm going to say something right now, and you might want to take a screen capture of it because i'm not sure i've ever said this before and it likely won't happen again in the near future:

i don't know everything.

there, i said it. some issues in this world are complex and i don't really understand them. and unless you're a certain ex boyfriend whose dad works for exxon, you won't understand this any more than i do.

i'm glad someone's pockets are being lined with my gas budget that's now higher than my grocery budget...

obvi.

ur obvi just jeal cuz i speak in abbrevs, but whatev.

unless you've been isolated from the outside world quilting with grandmas for the past several years, you know that we've been speaking in abbreviations. and i'm just wondering: where did all this come from? don't get me wrong. i dig it pretty hard. and i participate whenever poss (short for possible).

i think a major catalyst for this was the texting commercials.

idk...my bff rose?

my first recollection of serious abbreviation was the movie sleepless in seattle. you remember. jonah's friend helped him write letters to meg ryan. one of these suggested she meet tom hanks at the top of the empire state building to see if they are mfeo (made for each other - but you already knew that <"it's cute...it's like a little clue...">)

thing is, that's what i remember but i am too young to know much about the valley girl craze which i think may have really started it.

bffs, pls advise! it's ridic how much time i spend thinking @ ths.
1. http://flickr.com/photos/nishiology/212584420/">Sleepless In Seattle, 2. http://flickr.com/photos/flashxthexclash/2672465069/">Valley Girl

happy cheesecake day.

tonight my peeps and i traveled to the land northward for some evil food from the cheesecake factory. if you don't read i am emily m, you may have forgotten that today was the anniversary of the restaurant and with the purchase of a meal, they were selling slices of cheesecake for $1.50. we did the math. gas at $4.15 a gallon + almost 60 miles of driving + overpriced entree + waiting 2 hours for a table = worth the cheap dessert. oh and the memories, of course! but seriously, good times all around. i sat with my adam's peanut butter cup fudge ripple cheesecake and thought, 'hollylynn. sure, this is fun now, but will you respect yourself in the morning?' i have gotten pretty good at ignoring that voice so i dug right in. some of the ladies and i even took a photo on my suuuper good camera phone to commemorate the experience.

drumroll, please...

the results are in. the poll turned out to be a real nail-biter and i thank everyone for voting (even though in case you couldn't tell, i was REALLY pulling for the flesh-colored beard workshops. oh well.)

all in all, we had 18 valiant souls do their civic blogosphere duty. again, the choices were:

1. offer the troops workshops on growing your own flesh-colored beard (4 votes)
2. petition the us gov't to make the "heidiwood" line standard issue military garb (3 votes)
3. solemnly swear in the presence of all available us war personnel to never make another music video. ever. (10 votes)
4. reenact past serious conversations, mostly staring blankly at each other and shaking their heads "no" ever so slightly. (4 votes)

some of y'all voted twice. good. you heeded my instruction to vote early and often.

so, much like a 20-something guy in the dating pool, i have zero follow through and i won't be doing anything with these data. but i think it's been excellent food for thought and i really think that even though many of you appear to feel passionately about speidi retiring from the music video business, i think you probably check you tube compulsively for their next creation. i know i do.

xoxo
hollylynn

my kids.

i don't have any kids. but when i do, i hope they're psychic.

my aunt jill (another girl who's very young and very hip and doesn't have a mom haircut) told me that her nephew on the other side of the family predicted the day her baby would be born, knew his mom was pregnant before she told him, and claimed to have seen another family members kids up at a cabin where they were staying (this family member has no children).

jill thinks he's on to something and you know what? kids can tell this kind of stuff. you hear stories all the time. when i have kids and they are super psychic (either naturally or after i read this book i found on amazon.com), maybe it will make the family lots of money (which i will save solely for their college educations). otherwise, we're gonna have to have little vaughn (don't you love that name) working the reality tv circuit. and i hear that auditions for bromance are super tough.

i kid, i kid (no pun intended)! my children will not be encouraged to pursue celebrity. but if a kid's got ambition, who am i to hold him back?

my secret dream.

you may be having an emotional affair with madonna, alex rodriguez, but one of these people is having the best week ever!

do you think vh1 would take me on? i've got more, people. i've got more. i will start with writing greeting cards, if need be.

CONGRATULATIONS!

so in case you're feeling like this...

Myspace Monday Graphics

cheer up. because you're reading my 100th post! i'm eternally opinionated. that's right. my opinionatedness will never end, so expect the posts to keep on a comin'.

i should have prepared better for this...look out for a wicked awesome contest or giveaway when we hit 200.

i'm so glad i got mono and was bored enough to tinker around here on the internets with my weblog. here's to infinitely more wasted hours.

d-do you got a first aid kit handy?

i love it when urban music artists spell words when they're "singing." in any other genre of music, the singer would just you know, sing the word. they can do this because in other genres it is perfectly acceptable for a syllable to take up more than one beat. but in a hip-hop tune, that's strictly prohibited.

typically, this just ends up being a good thing though, because it proves that rap artists can spell. the best is danity kane:

can you fix my h-e-a-r-t? cuz it's d-a-m-a-g-e-d.

other more sopistocated peeps spell longer words. like webbie:

i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t do you know what that means?

you know, webbie? i'm not sure that many people listening to your song do know what it means. i for one couldn't even figure out what he was saying the first time i heard the song. i deduced he was talking about independence by using context clues (she got her own house, she got her own car...)

but some artists in a valiant attempt to appear literate fail. and they fail big. like homeboy collaborating with fergie on her solo album. not even sure who it is. but he struggles with spelling:

t, to the a, to the s-t-e-y, girl, you TASTY.

it is tasty, right? tastey? tasty? thanks, spellcheck!

still time to make a difference!

dear blog besties and creepy stalkers,

only one more day to vote! this is a significant poll and i will be analyzing it and building several charts and graphs based on the data. your sacrifice of taking 5 seconds to vote on speidi's contribution will bless the lives of millions...or just stroke my ego. and you know what? those are both good reasons to give a little bit, give a little bit of your love to me. right now the election might appear over, but there is still time for spencer's flesh-colored beard workshops to take the cake.

think about it, people. we want the poll to clearly depict the demands of the public.

THANKS!
hollylynn

i heart saturdays.

today i was sitting in my bed around noonish (don't hate), having a fine breakfast of popcorn and diet coke (don't judge) and happened upon the greatest film collaboration of hilary duff and heather locklear of all time: the critically acclaimed, the perfect man (oscar nods all around). i didn't realize that mr big was in this movie. he is. and he pretty much plays, well, mr big. also adding to the film's fabulosity is carson of "how to look good naked" and "queer eye for the straight guy."

my fav quote, by far, of this entire movie is one of the carson quotes. when asked if he's a jet's fan, carson retorts:

omg, hello?! i live for westside story!

stereotypical and marginalizing? yes. still funny? mmhmm.

vote early and often.

dear reader,

look up. up a little more...there you go. it's a poll! and i want you to tell me whatcha think. i think these are four good ways that speidi (thanks kathleen) can support the troops. let me know what your fav is.

i'm also interested in other acts of service that you think would be appropriate. leave a comment on this post with your grand (pg-rated) idea.

xoxo
hollylynn

wonder what mccain thinks of all this.

did you know that heidi and spencer are planning a trip to iraq to ho themselves out in hopes of positive press i mean support the troops and that meghan mccain, john mccain's daughter, is helping them organize it??

is anyone else having some serious synaptic misfirings over all this?

please share.

provo's not real...and these people agree with me.

if you're my friend in real life, you've heard me say that provo isn't real. and it isn't. and if you don't know what i mean i'll be happy to tell you why.

i've gotten a couple of recommendations to check out this blog. i would like to toss in my own glowing recommendation for "seriously so blessed." it's awesome! excellent satire of the whole experience and if you've ever been dying to move to utah and observe all the mormons in their natural habitat, well now you don't have to. crisis averted.

i like that it only jabs at cultural mormonism, not doctrinal mormonism. and mad props to people who are willing to do this and so well, too. usually when i make fun of things i like to make it abundantly clear that i'm being funny - but this blog really owns it. all deadpan, all the time.

check it out; it doesn't disappoint.

we are seven.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 7 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

there are seven of me...and 5 are on facebook.

how many people in the us have your name?

and thanks, jocelyn for pointing me to this page.

your mom goes to college.

so i've been gone awhile...no one really seemed to notice other than joellen who is my aunt (but also very hip, very young, and does NOT have a mom haircut). so from this we can choose from two routes of logic:

1. everyone who reads my blog already knew i had a crazy week and would be on vacation this weekend. or...

2. no one really cares and my mom pays joellen to keep an eye on me.

let's not hold a vote.

in the headlines this week: little sister starts college tomorrow! it seems like only earlier this year she graduated from high school. i guess it's not true what they say about time flying. but i digress.

i'm waaaaay excited for lulu to start school and visiting her in the burg brings back oh so many memories. remember some of these?

america accept simon, randy and paula as the team to change our lives forever. (whoa, kelly clarkson!) tobey mcguire becomes a superhero. we accepted the invitation to come away with norah jones. we took off all our clothes after nelly made it so hot in herre. we learned that ozzy osbourne is just a normal dad. juicy sweatsuits. daniel pearl. john walker lindh. the euro. utah olympics. bombs over baghdad (the actual bombs, not the song). elizabeth smart. laci peterson. why'd you have to go and make things so complicated? creed. kylie minogue's alleged "comeback." sequels: men in black, harry potter, spiderman, lord of the rings, spy kids and austin powers.

aren't you glad that's all over?

you (singular) like me. you REALLY like me!

well, my blog got an award from mindi! i don't know what to say...

...except

THANKS, friend!

i've found the interweb to be a wonderful place to meet tons of people who probably in real life are not at all how they describe themselves, namely, i imagine many of you to be toothless old men. or robots. but i practice inclusion, plus a number of you link to me so what are you gonna do, you know?

i vow to do my best to continue making my blog as brillante as possible. and i'd like to pass this honor along to:

emily of emily ever after

kathleen of kathleen's guide

erin of the queen of clean (subject to revocation if you do not update immediately if not sooner!)

janessa of so what's next?

cami of the waldon family

dar of the charmed life of the pingels

becky of project domestication

okie doke, winners. now here are the rules:

1. please put the logo on your blog.

2. add a link to the person who awarded you.

3. you must nominate 7 fellow bloggers for this award.

4. add links to the recipients.

5. leave a comment so the recipients know they have received an award.

xoxo

hollylynn

got my hair did.

i got my hair cut last night and i hafta say: given a choice between the phase 1 girl and the phase 2 girl at the paul mitchell school, pick phase 1 every time!

i typically go for the phase 1-er, but when i made my appointment yesterday i was loathing my hair extra strong so i decided to treat myself to the extra experience a phase 2 masta could offer. after all, i deserve it.

don't get me wrong - she did a good job. and after the cut ferments/sets up/cures/ripens in a few days, i might even post a picture as a gleaming endorsement of the pms (paul mitchell school - what were you thinking??) and i'll say that my hairs hard to handle. it's thick and curly in weird places. but this stylist in training did not inspire a lot of confidence.

you know that feeling when someone's combing your hair and they pull so hard that it feels like they're pulling your hair out of your scalp and you start to cry a little?? well i've never felt that and if you're styling my hair like your arms are made of wet noodles, then that's just a sign of weakness in my eyes. i bit my tongue to keep from yelling, "c'mon! put your back into it!"

anyway, all's well that ends well, but here's my theory: the phase 1 students are bright-eyed and eager. they follow technique to a 't' and know they have a lot to learn. to me, the phase 2 kiddos seem to have a certain sense of entitlement, think they're masters and take a certain amount of artistic liberty with your coif. which i'm not ok with, unless i'm paying you $200, you ask "sparking or still?" when i want water and your salon staff looks like an army of calvin klein models, capiche?

you're welcome.

i realized today that even big weirdos without google accounts still might want to comment on my little page here, so i'm now allowing anonymous comments. but play nice people and if you leave a comment, tell us who you are in the body of the comment.

xoxo,
hollylynn

ps. and remember, dear ones, it's people first. then money. then things. then...jackets.

i've really got to find that other suze orman clip!

funny stuff real people said.

the other night my roommate were leaving to go to the mormon phenomenon that is ward prayer (aka ward stare or snack and mack - grab a cookie, take a lookie!)

as we walked out the door, my sassy british roommate said to me,

"i have a headache. do you think that's from too much diet coke or not enough?"

then while talking with some of my girlies and mentioning something someone had said to me, about me, one looked shocked and deadpanned,

"you mean we aren't the only ones gossiping?!"

oh girls, you are splendid people.

and remember, dear ones...

this saturday i had the good fortune of watching a rerun of snl. it was the one where jonah hill hosts and sings the "i'm fancy!" song, and mariah carey is there too, looking soooo skinny. by the way, if i were really skinny i would become a recording artist and wear shorts. just like mariah who made snl hot like fiah.

anyhoodle...i had seen this episode before but i remembered it being great. what i forgot? the FABULOUS suze orman skit. oh my heck (and i don't say "oh my heck" too often).

if you love me and want me to be happy, you will watch this clip and leave a comment quoting your favorite line.

i can't find the one that was on this episode online, darn it all, but it's still good, nay, great. you have to sit through the commercial, but you'll thank me...trust me. my fav quote is:

"lay it on me like a lead x-ray
bib at the dentist."

oh 8, oh 8, oh 8.

the world plans on celebrating my dad's birthday with the opening of the beijing olympics. joel mchale reports that nbc (a wholly-owned subsidiary of the sheinhart wig corporation, under ge's trivection oven division...just kidding...if you're not laughing then you really need to start watching the 30 rock dvds to bone up for season 3) will air 3600 hours of olympic footage. this post is seriously so worth your time, btw. i think that i will make a statement by absorbing olympic coverage strictly through the channel of the soup on tv, and its blog. i think it will be a lot more fun this way.

who says there's no such thing as a free slurpee?

ok. so i ripped this old timey ad off from mindi quite some time ago and have just been chomping at the bit for the most applicable shameless stealing/repurposing of it.

today was free slurpee day at the sev...that's 7-11 for you non-believers...not that 7-11 customers are a cult. (remember on friends when joey has the days of our lives party on the roof and he tells rachel, "oh, no. that's guy's in a cult. and it'll cost you $5000 to get to level three, and i don't feel any different!" yeah. that was a really good episode.)

so it was. and a coupla my work colleagues and i decided to partake. now i'm sure you've all heard my yoga mantra:

i don't drink calories.

this is also stolen, but from my real life friend melissa who needs to hurry up and get a blog. today i decided to walk on the wild side and get a coke slurpee. i was not sorry! i think i have a new policy: i don't drink calories unless it is free slurpee day, in which case, get a coke slurpee and don't feel bad about it at all.

the end.

nkotb

new kids on the block. i missed it the first time around for a couple reasons.

one, i was really into debbie gibson at the time and i spent a LOT of time listening to the cassette tape with the rip in the knee of her jeans and a smiley face drawn on her knee...you know? "and now it's you...out of the blue!" and "it's like being lost in heaven when i'm lost in your eyes." i had this tape player with a karaoke mic and i would sing along in the unfinished basement my brother and i played in.

two, i was five years old and i kinda had other stuff going on.

sooo...and i know this is a little behind the curve here...i love nkotb's newest hit, "summertime." and if you were obsessed with it too i'd be much obliged. probably my fav thing about the video is that the women on the beach they're going after really do seem somewhat age appropriate. kudos! also am obsessed with 2:49 when they rock the white suits.

a couple reasons i'm excited for fall.

***CLARIFICATION: the office has intentionally been left off of this list. the office needs to get over itself. i am pretty stoked for kim and kath though.***

1. i wholeheartedly enjoy wool cardigans and my vintage frye boots

("they were my mom's in the 80's")

2. well, this one actually breaks down:

a. gossip girl
b. the hills
c. 30 rock
d. top model
e. 90210

i'm slow...or i had an epiphany in the wee hours of the morning.

so my last post? those music sites are from wired's music blog, the "listening post." there it is, friends. it's a little techie and not very personal, but it's a start.

you can check it out here.

music blog follow-up.

i fell asleep after work so now it's 1:30 am and i'm wired. *sigh*

pretty sure i'm the only one who cares about this, but it's my blog so i will serve my own purposes here. i like to read wired to see what the geeks have been up to, and guess what they've done for me?? compiled some online music sources, many of which use blogging - that's what! that's right...i may find my music blog yet.

here is a link to the article. they recommend these sites that i'll be trying and reporting on, at my own will and pleasure:
imeem
ivideosongs
omnifone
mog <--reminds me of "omg!" which reminds me of kathleen who told me about something she saw the other day - "i have cdo. it's ocd in alphabetical order."
muxtape
rcrd lbl
seeqpod
sellaband/slicethepie
tunecore
youtube <--i can already tell that no one will ever get that interested in this one.

so...has anyone ever used any of these and noticed a blogging element? what did you think?

that is the nature of the process.

remember the bachelorette, trista wren? whenever she'd kick someone off, she'd say "i really hate to do this, but that is the nature of the process. someone has to leave tonight." i always thought it was pretty melodramatic to call it "the nature of the process," but maybe her overly serious verbiage is what made her succeed. she and ryan are married and they had a baby last year. anyhoo.

i had my own process with its own nature recently, where i lived in the palatial mansion made of my own hopes and dreams and was forced to choose between three cities to find the one i'd share my life with. or at least the next year of it. or until we break up.

there i was. sitting drinking margaritas (read: diet coke) with three fabulous bachelors: san francisco, phoenix and provo. as i got to know each one, they all had their appeal. san francisco was cultured and distinguished, phoenix was exciting and young, and provo was just my type. it was a tough decision, but in the initial round, challenges arising from san francisco's inextricable ties to the state of california proved insurmountable. religion is a very big deal, and california tends to worship itself. it hurt me to do it, but s frisco was sent packing that night.

after romantic overnight dates with the remaining cities, phoenix and provo, i was headed in to the most dramatic rose ceremony yet. i sat in that little room with both their pictures replaying the good times over and over in my head. i knew what i had to do.

i gave provo the final rose and you know what? i don't even think phoenix batted an eye. but provo is what i've always wanted. i mean what i'm used to. and we will be together forever. i mean until it starts to bore me.

the end.

one more thing.

in case you still needed convincing that lagoon is indeed the happiest place on earth, you might want to check out this tasty treat from master film director alexander woolums, featuring the vocal stylings of one jared hanks.

hot cop! or, put that on your blog and smoke it.

i hope you know about hot cops by now.

"they're not even real cops! they're strippers! look how hot they are!" -gob bluth (arrested development)

at lagoon this week, i had the great joy/misfortune of seeing a snippet of the live performances they put on there. from what i can piece together from my memory and the memories of others, men danced around, singing u2 songs, i believe, in flowy outfits which were then ripped away by their female co-performers to reveal more revealing outfits. one appeared to have some sort of law enforcement uniform on, with cutoff pants and sleeves. i also believe one had a tool belt. they were either hot cops or the village people. it was confusing.

here is another performance. i mean...you be the judge.

definitely reminiscent of the hot cops.

and i'm proud to be an american.

this weekend was four days of hard core, in your face, all family time all the time, time, with both family that kinda came included with purchase when i was born as well as some of the family i've made along the way. and i am sure glad to be an american. here's a little uninteresting trivia that you will probably read even though i already told you it was dull.

did you know that the white rollercoaster at lagoon was built in 1921? did i already tell you that when i ride on it i feel like i'm in a horror flick, but i'll still ride it three times in one day?

did you know that when you go to a barbeque at my grandma's house that you will have your choice of three types of brownies but that you will be encouraged to try all three?

did you know that even though you harass your extended family members to join the blogosphere, they never will because they don't think they have anything to say?? i tell them that if they're thinking, they've already got it all wrong.

did you know that if you go downtown in provo on july 3rd that you will find lots of byu students getting wasted and camping out for the parade and you'll probably see at least one fight and at least two ex-boyfriends?

did you know that when you're trying to sleep till noon on july 4th you'll hear the entire firefighting/police force driving down your street in the parade going one mile an hour with their sirens blasting the whole blasting time?

did you know that my little cousins, including maddie rose up there, are the cutest kids alive? i told her to make a kissy face and that's what i got.

hope your fourth was fab.

xoxo
hollylynn

give a little bit of your love to me. no but seriously, give it.

dear cyberbuddies,

i got this idea from mindi who got it from amy's blog and i decided to blindly copy like a little sheep.

this is how you play...

1. as a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and i had together. it doesn't matter if you are my bff in real life or you just drop by occasionally for that healthy dose of vapidity and poor punctuation you so desperately crave. even if you just stalk my blog, leave a comment about a memory you have reading it.

2. next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. it's actually pretty funny to see the responses. if you leave a memory about me, i'll assume you're playing along. i will then be sure to go to your blog and share a memory about you. and don't worry - i'll make sure it's the greatest story ever told. i might even lie a little if it makes you sound better. if you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, i'll leave my memory of you in my comments but then i might not lie as much because seriously people, this is serious stuff. also, you should have a blog. it's 2008. if you're not blogging you're missing out on one of the biggest joys in life!

3. play nice. remember, blogging is all about the love. so...i would really rather see something like this:

Myspace Compliment Comments
than something like this:

Insult Graphic Commentsready! set! GO!!

xoxo
hollylynn

5 minutes to midnight.

big shout out to one of my fav ladies - emily margaret. today she posted the sweetest little post and included this photo which i like to call em.me. yep, that's a palindrome. i reads the same forward and backward. my friendship with em is like, so deep. like an onion. with the layers.

i ask you to kindly refrain from asking what my hair is doing in this picture. everyone experiments in college, mmmk?

i love em and the rest of my college girls like carrie loves miranda. btw, check out this post to see a.c. slater as carrie bradshaw. creepy/amazing.

here's to all y'all...jacque, kassie, rashelle, kayla, ashley, candy, janelle, colette, carrie, melodie, velvet, chelsie, maryellen, ally, heather, tiffany, angie, darcy, tex, melissa, alex and emily. love you long time. heart you a bazillion tallies. love you a million no-bakes at three a.m. love you a horkley's 44 at 5 minutes to midnight. that's all i'm saying.

a funny thing happened at the office.

my coworkers in remote offices have to use a program called citrix to log onto the network and get their email, the public company folders, etc. from time to time it crashes. today while on a conference call with a couple of my coworkers, one who was working remotely, it did crash:

coworker 1: if i could just get freakin citrix to work...
coworker 2: if that doesn't work, you might want to try regular citrix.

end scene.

her?

this evening between diversions i had the great misfortune of watching "so you think you can dance." usually i can stomach it in small pieces but only because of cat deeley's usually amazing hair which tonight she had pinned under to look like a shoulder-bob with a finger wave in front and omigosh. mary!

i get that she is a dance expert but seriously people...mary? am i taking crazy pills? when she talks, i just wonder to myself what snl cast member is doing an impression of her...but then i remember it's actually her.

what do you think?