i hope this post doesn't get me arrested.

i'm from the town with the most high strung airport security system in north america. to be fair, i haven't ever been outside north america and some countries might be more hyper about it...but given the choice of dulles, l.a.x., s.f.o., boston logan, chicago o'hare and lewiston regional, lewiston regional takes the cake in totally out of control security practices.

once, pre-911, i kept setting off the buzzy thingy. i went through. it buzzed. i took out my earrings. it buzzed. i held my breath. it buzzed.

wanna know what was making it buzz? a luggage key in my jeans pocket with a piece of metal the size of one quarter of a very old dime.

c'mon people.

today, it is even more off the scale. i was there today and not only did i have to pay a total of $80 to check my bags round trip (neither here nor there but a pretty slutty charge. i was offended on the ads-on-the-front-page-of-the-newspaper level...it is wrong. have some respect!), but they had one guy working the security line.

he was a slow talker.

the lady in front of me was approximately 90 years old and couldn't take a step without a cane. so what did they do? just took her in the corner and felt her up for a good 5 minutes when she made the buzzy thing go off. probably eventually figured out it was all her titanium joints, sweet lady.

c'mon people.

i was trying to buy a diet coke in the "sterile area" (don't even get me STARTED on that nomenclature. seriously, if the boarding area of an airport is sterile then it would make perfect sense for me to drink out of my dog's water dish.) when the dude made me board instead. it was about 30 minutes before the plane even took off. the plane holds about 18 people and getting to it is about a 4 second travel time walking on the tarmac or jet way or whatever it's called.

c'mon, people.

it was a lot to handle on an empty stomach with no caffeine. having inherited some anxiety from one side of the family and a touch of neurosis from the other, the only prayer in the world i've got is an even blood sugar level. when they announced that there were no peanut butter crackers (only those sick delta airline cookies or peanuts), i about took my quart sized bag of liquids, gels and aerosols and threw it at the flight attendant's head.

but i fell asleep instead.

shovel that berm.

well, it's the holidays. so of course, that all-too-familiar phrase hangs in the air as sure as the pine and cinnamon itself:

"will you go shovel that berm?"

am i the only one who has no idea what a berm is?

there is apparently a berm (pile of snow, i later learned) in front of my parents' mailbox which prohibits the mail carrier from delivering their pre-approved credit card offers and doctor appointment reminder cards.

me: i've never heard of a berm.
dad: but you've heard of the burmese. right?
me: (pause)

this i guess is just one more snow vocab word i don't know because i grew up in lewiston idaho where it rarely snows, and since then i have lived in a series condos that each have a moderately effective hoa. i haven't had to deal with berms or...any of that other stuff. i live a sheltered life. i had no idea of the damage a berm can inflict on your daily life or how important it is to shovel it asap.

i sure have learned a lot this christmas.

for j in cali

i'm on vacay.

i'll post soon, so be sure to keep checking in. or not. whatever.

merry christmas!

i know.

i know that expending hours and hours and dollars and dollars trying with your might to make your apartment look like a pottery barn ad is fundamentally sick.

but i want it so. every day pottery barn emails me their sales and i stare lovingly at the glossy, fabulous, preppy/rustic décor and i don’t buy any of it. and then i think about how i can do it on the cheap by making things/buying stuff at target.

i would absolutely adore an old trunk to sit my living room tv on. adore. but alas, i have a $19.99 bachelor-pad-of-the-90s build-it-yourself stand that i inherited from an old roommate. hideously ugly but does the job.

if i were really skinny i would sit with my perrier on my khaki couch in front of my hurricanes and tower candles sitting on the distressed red coffee table, thinking about my monogrammed towels and antique hardware in the bathroom 20 feet away and basking in the glow of my favorite j.crew cardigan and my perfect red lipstick.

the room would probably smell like green tea or lemongrass or (who are we kidding) the fresh peonies on the side table.

doesn’t that sound nice?

experiment.

i decided to make a playlist of christmas songs that don't annoy me. i will listen to it from time to time over the next several days and let you know how this affects my positive mental attitude.

as you'll recall, i am generally annoyed by christmas music as a whole.

i will however, take songs on a case by case basis. i've gotten some recommendations and i'm going to see what happens.

also, i have not sent out my cards yet.

have you?

hollylynn says

in a futile hope to take my yearning mind off of how dismally horrible the hills has been this season and make the time pass faster between now and the time i get new episodes gossip girl and one tree hill, i have decided to do something wild. i call it:

hollylynn says: expanded edition

it’s a lot like it sounds.

i’m going to answer ALL your questions in 3...2...1...

super angie asks:

Gift suggestions for staff gift exchange please.

Stats:
middle aged male
married
two children
likes hunting and carving
drinks coffee
uh, that's it

Gift must be able to be bought at the Shishmaref Native Store or online.

angie, i love you hun but i'm not sure why you haven't thought of this before! what every shismaref, alaska hunter needs is camo. now, i know this is a woman, but these are quite unisex and they come in a variety of sizes! find these babies at disposable-garments.com.

jmadd asks:

I have a small crush on Michael Phelps. Should I tell him?

well jmadd, that's a tough one! i have to defer to ross and rachel on this because while telling michael phelps that you have a small crush on him might be hard, it doesn't mean you're powerless. remember when ross and rachel had a list of five celebrities they were allowed to "have" and the other one couldn't be jealous? season 2. i'll loan you the dvd. (no i won't.)

anyway, ross has isabella rossallini on his list originally, but he removed her for wynona ryder when chandler convinced him he needed local celebs only on his list (you know, to up his chances). joke was on ross when isabella rossallini walked in to central perk and ross couldn't do anything because she wasn't on his (laminated) list.

point is, make a list and follow your heart. make sure michael is on that darn list before you laminate it.

nathan asks:

How can I do more than just survive the winter. Is there anything I can do to make the season a little more fun?

no.

anonymous asks:

does it make me a bad person if i only want to go on dates with my gf, but not do the whole casual hangout at the apt? what does this mean? should i never get married and just become a serial dater? thx

anonymous, do you live in bizarro world! i have never met a guy who would rather go on a date than "hang." so...

anyone have a gem of wisdom for anonymous?

anyone?

bueller?

are you ‘that girl?’

you know, the last donut girl? doesn’t have to be a donut. the last piece of cake from the office birthday party, the last bagel from the planning meeting, the last bite from the tres leches you’re sharing with someone at café rio…you know. that girl.

i’ve found that there are two types of people in this world: the kind of people who will take the last donut and the kind of people who won’t. i never thought about which one i was. i like to think i’m pretty assertive and i can get in there and take whatever i want, but i’m more timid than i like to think, i think.

i once shared a dessert with my friend lauren who said to me bluntly when we were down to just a little bit left, “i want you to know that i’m not afraid to take the last bite.”

i let her.

lately in celebration of national “eat 600 more calories each day than you normally do” month, we had donuts at the office. in a mid-afternoon sugar flatline, i went back to see if there were any left in the break room.

there was one.

i stuck with my diet coke.

sorry.

i know i needed to do hollylynn says installment 2 on tuesday...but i just didn't want to. is that ok?

instead, why don't YOU all give ME some advice mmkay?

here it is: christmas cards. do i do them or not? i'm just one girl. i don't have a boy or a dog to share my life with (one single black lauren conrad tear...) but i'm kind of a grownup and i do know some people.

i found some cute ones at target with pink snowflakes and glittery deer on them.

do i send them out or is that weird?

did you know that...

today while i was paying for an icy diet coke at 7-11, jon the cashier volunteered his faith in his company, telling me that 7-11 was founded in the recession of the 70’s. “we can weather another depression; we were BORN in one!” he said.

as if that weren’t a rich enough 7-11 experience for one day, he decided to give me a quiz, which officially bumps this up to the second most memorable thing that has ever happened to me while buying an icy diet coke at 7-11 (sorry, mukesh’s x5).

now i’m going to quiz you. ready? too bad. i got the first one right on the first try. ba-zing!

1. were did 7-11 get its name?
these are the original hours of operation.
2. who founded 7-11?
lady bird Johnson. “it was a WOMAN!”

well, keep your shirt on, because i wiki’d it and lady bird had no part in the 7-11 dynasty. *sigh* also, it was started in 1927.

but here’s where it gets trippy. lady bird Johnson died on 7/11/07. i know right?!
and one time a body was found in lady bird lake which is right BY a 7-11.

let’s be honest – learning the truth really took the wind out of my sails.

BUT, he also told me he liked my necklace. even though he makes things up about lady bird johnson, he continually has phenomenal taste in jewelry and a soft spot for the statement necklace.

omfg.

discuss.

ps - sorry for the anticlimactic pic. i wanted the one with blair comforting a totally wasted chuck. *sigh*

photo courtesy of the cw.

i will not be a scrooge.

i'm trying, people. i really am. i'm trying to listen to christmas music and like it. i'm just kind of not in the mood. don't get me wrong, christmas is great. but who was the emperor of yore who decided that there will only be 5 christmas songs and that all pop stars will be required to create terrible renditions of them over and over and over?

why can't christmas be like love? there are about a brazillion songs about love and of those, a trillion are listenable.

there are (now we get into multiplication so please forgive the math errors i'm about to make) 5 christmas songs that have been covered a zillion times each, which i believe brings us to a grand total of a gajillion christmas songs. 7 of those are listenable and even they get tired when you hear them every day for a month, and that's just when thanksgiving comes late and no one cheats and makes you listen to christmas music before then!

please diagnose me. am i un-american? un-christian? un-good person?

with thanks.

dear writers of gossip girl,

thank you, thank you, a million times over for bringing that whole little j plot line back down to earth. don’t get me wrong, i loved seeing little caitlyn “agnes” cooper for a few episodes, and i wouldn’t mind terribly if you brought her back.

but seriously, jenny dropping out of school, mouthing off to eleanor waldorf, leaving home and threatening to divorce her parents was affecting my sleep.

she’s 15! i need her safe at home with rufus and dan, crushing on boys and playing catty games with blair waldorf’s groupies. now if her mullet would just even out a little bit, we’d be home free.
xoxo,
hollylynn

ps. did bart bass die? i’m on the edge of my seat.

can't hurt, right?

since lately i have been blessed to become what miranda priestly would call an "incubus of viral plague," i've been taking a lot of drugs and having a lot of doctor's appointments. since i get sick every 5 seconds, i want all this on the record. eventually someone's gotta piece it together and figure out what the heck's wrong with me.

anyway, sometimes i feel like i know more than the doctors. here is a nearly accurate transcript of what happened to me yesterday at the doctor's office. my regular doctor was not in, so i had this other guy, and he, well...see for yourself.

doctor: so how are you?
me (shout whispering with neck veins bulging): i've been better.
doctor: oh, you're losing your voice.
me: i haven't been able to talk for the past 6 days.
doctor: oh, ok. so it looks like the other doctor gave you a script for antibiotics. are you taking those?
me: no. he said this was a virus.
doctor: let me look at your throat.
me: i need some steroids. i'm a professional communicator and this no voice thing cannot go on. the other doc told me i could have steroids if i didn't get better.
doctor: (pause)
me: and my friend told me she gets this all the time and she doesn't get her voice back until she does a burst of prednisone.
doctor: um yeah, we can do that. ok. the only thing is, they weaken your immune system.
me (should have said, thanks becky): i actually don't have an immune system, so we should be good.
doctor: ok i'll be right back.

5 minutes later

doctor: the other doctors told me you can't have the roids.
me (still shout whispering with neck veins bulging): seriously?
doctor: yeah, i polled 6 people.
me: (pause)
doctor: do you need anything else?
me: codeine would be nice.
doctor: mmmkay.
me: thanks.
doctor: and if you want to take the antibiotics, it's your call. but this is a virus. but they can't hurt.
me (what i should have said, thanks marisa): ok sure. maybe i will take the antibiotics unnecessarily now so that someday when they can actually help me i'll be immune to them. thanks. can't hurt, right?

ch-ch-check me out!

check out my guest blogger post on project domestication today. becky, lovely blogkeeper of pd, is featuring a series of holiday wish lists, and if i were really skinny is kicking it off.

hollylynn says: installment 2

need help deciding which holiday sweater to wear to the office chrismas party?
need help deciding what to give your mom?
need clever ideas for de-icing your windshield?

i know the holidays can be hard, and that's why i've decided to bring back hollylynn says for a second go. go here if you need a refresher on the rules.

i'll be drawing a dilemma out of my cyber hat on Tuesday, Dec. 9, so let's get crack-a-lackin'.

yep, i just said crack-a-lackin'.

stock up on joy.

oh, coke propaganda! i never tire of thee!

if you've been to the movies lately and you're a nerd who likes to get there BEFORE the previews they way i do, you've seen this cute christmas ad from coke and walmart. i detest walmart but love coke, as you know, and this little video makes me feel really warm and cuddly inside.

merry christmas!

before i forget.

a couple other gems from my week home with the fam:

little brother, reporting on his choir performance: it was fine. the crowd looked really bored. we went on right after the ballet dancers.

dad: that kid needs new tires. they're half bald. they have a receding tread line.

that's all.

have you ever thought about

what a gift it is to be able to speak? i really never have. i take for granted my ability to thoughtlessly blab noise into the ether without caring who hears me. well, the past few days, i've had laryngitis and let me tell you - it's changed my life.

shh.

even as someone who isn't really long winded in the first place, being unable to talk has been totally displacing. i can only whisper, and it's tiring. so i choose my words even more carefully than normal.

people look at me condescendingly.

i used sign language with the receptionist at the doctor's office.

i left my phone at home all day. i mean, what was the point?

this just may be the cold medicine talking, but i'm really going to think twice about the noise i put out into the universe from now on. i'm kind of, you know, bitchy. i might need to curb that a little. i'm not saying i'm going to quit making fun of reality tv stars, but i am going to try to be nicer.

please hold me to this.

happy happy happy

i hope you american readers are having a very warm and cuddly day of carbs and sweaters and your fam/bffs...i know i plan on it. all the rest of you...enjoy your thursday of working and laying off the starches. the united states will be back and kicking from our tryptophan/insulin-induced comas by monday, fo sho.

my friend marisa has been listing something she's grateful for every day this month. i like the idea and since i "procrastinate," or as i prefer to word it, work well under pressure, i decided to save mine for the end of the month. here, in no particular order, are 30 things i'm grateful for this year:

1. my cool parents
2. my diverse background
3. ballet flats
4. diet coke
5. cardigans
6. blogging
7. my job
8. my fun coworkers
9. my faith
10. mt. timponogos topped with snow
11. laughter
12. music
13. makeup
14. medicine
15. words
16. the internet
17. running water
18. my army of girlfriends
19. utah
20. chuck bass
21. popcorn
22. a warm coat
23. love
24. little miracles (and big ones)
25. teachers
26. the gift of sight
27. being an american
28. facebook
29. my bed
30. YOU!

have a happy thanksgiving, everyone!

hey you guys

did you know they made a movie about that vampire book?




aaaaanyway...how many times have you seen it? so far for me it's a big 'ol ZERO. am i missing out?

i would like to have seen montana.

so i'm up at the parents' house for the thanksgiving festivities this week, which in case you didn't know involves a hellishly long drive through southern idaho/montana. much to my shock and surprise, it didn't kill me. three important takeaways from my trip thus far:

brother: the other night, i went bowling. i bowled a 186. i would have bowled a 200...
sister: but you didn't knock down enough pins?

sister: everybody knows this song.
brother: i don't know this song.
sister: you're not everybody.

dad, on why texting won't wreck his language skills: no, i was raised in a generation when kids were taught to read and write.

please read this.

hi friends,

my friend hannah is a funny funny girl and she's smart as a whip. she wrote this today. i want you to read it.

xoxo
hollylynn

best little black dress ever.

i have a little black dress. it is the best little black dress ever. it's a chloe dress. i bought it on the internet. i don't know if it was legit or not...but boy do i love it. and i can never wear it because i don't have a fancy enough occasion.

like a holiday party.

the last time i had a fancy holiday party to go to, i didn't even have the dress. i wore a dress i like a lot but it was not THE dress.

that holiday party was sure a scream though. i went stag and drank a bunch of diet cherry cokes with my drink tickets, circulated the room, got interrogated by swarms of married people, sat with all my work bffs and their significant others.

then about halfway through the "entertainment" - you know, someone had been murdered and the girl in the bad blond wig was going to keep doing that shrill, contrived screaming "whodunit" until we solved the mystery. too bad half my coworkers were drunk off their chairs and the other half were in food comas by this point. everyone but me was inebriated in some way. i was just extra alert from all my diet cherry cokes. and of course we were just a couple minutes away from a real murder, meaning me murdering blond wig chick.

and of course there's an extra seat at my table because you know, i didn't bring my +1, and by the way i should have tried to get the drink tickets my +1 would have gotten but i was young and sweet and didn't want to steal from the company. and of course someone from another department busts into the room in a polo shirt and jean cutoffs at this point, and by the way she was slurring her words let's just say i hope she took the bus, and of course she sits at the extra seat at my table.

and of course she proceeds to offend everyone sitting with me in the most interesting ways.

saddest part is, i'm the only one who remembers it.

if i had to endure that again, at least i would have my black chloe dress. i'm just saying.

by the way

are any of you using wordpress?

i just tried to set it up now, you know, just to see. it didn't seem so intuitive to me. but maybe i'm just spoiled by the caveman easiness of blogger.

any gems of wisdom? what do y'all prefer?

riddle me this.

so everyone, thanks for your support of the first installment of hollylynn says. the segment needs better branding - i get that. but it was good times, yes?

people seemed to like it.

some people hated it.

hated it, i tell you. and they were too scared to comment. work up that nerve, haters. i'd love to hear a little (respectful) dissenting opinion once in a while here on my little blog.

speaking of hate...how OVER the hills are you by now? 89%? 92%? i don't know why i didn't realize this before, but this is heidi's mad face:

thanks i*heart*you for the photo.

seriously...freaking DUMP SPENCER already.

although the expression kind of reminds me of what chuck bass said after he walked in on his dad and lily van der woodsen having a "business discussion":

"not much future as an actress."

currently love

the theme song from quantum of solace.

it's as bossy as daniel craig himself.


"another way to die" by alicia keys and jack white.

hollylynn says: installment 1

nathan writes:

This has always baffled me. Why do girls like jerky guys who treat them badly? Growing up, I was always "the friend" and by some miracle managed to find an awesome girl who liked me anyway. *whew*

But for all the others out there who might not be as lucky, what is it about being nice that kills the interest?


dear puzzled in provo,

this is a very good question. listen up, boys stuck in "the friend zone." you might learn something.

there are two reasons that this happens:

a) the guy provides a safe place to fall instead of excitement and intrigue
b) the guy's dating tactics are all wrong

gratefully, both can be overcome. i will elaborate:

a) you're a soft place to fall. remember when harry and sally finally decided to be friends? harry was always level-headed and understanding without taking sides or getting all dramatic. sally provided that for harry too, and he was a very non-threatening presence in her life - constant, dependable, the friend.

sally eventually came around because she realized, like all women do, that as much fun as fun is (ha - "yes," said george wade, "isn't fun...fun?"), the soft place to fall is just as important.

if you're her soft place to fall, play that role. but live your life. if she is telling you about men she dates, then you should be out there and asking for her advice about women you see. dating around will make you a more interesting person to her. it will either make her realize that you're worth more than she thought, or it will help you move on (sometimes both, and boy is that another post for another day).

b) your dating tactics are all wrong. remember when chris brander moved to los angeles, lost all that weight and became fabulously wealthy? when he came back, he knew something invaluable. his friend had a lunch date with a woman. he talked to chris. it went like this:

chris: how are things going with gina?
friend: good; we're having lunch tomorrow.
chris: what...a day date?
friend: what's wrong with that?
chris: it's like the express lane to the friend zone. pretty soon she'll be treating you like a non-sexual object. like a brother. or a lamp.
friend: i don't want to be a lamp.
chris: no. listen, do yourself a favor: call gina, change your day date to night, play aloof the whole time and no matter what you do, kiss her at the end, because friends don't kiss.

granted, chris learned the hard way that playing aloof is not the way to go, but he had a point.

the "dating game" has rules for a reason: they work.

now, don't play games with peoples' hearts, but make your intentions clear, and have confidence! if there's one thing anna stern taught seth cohen ("confidence, cohen!") is that confidently going for what you want, believing you are worth it is exactly how you get summer roberts, or anything else you want.

hope that helps. now boys, go get your girl.

xoxo
hollylynn



Here are your random numbers:9 5 3 9 1 2 6 9 6 10 2
Timestamp: 2008-11-18 02:20:59 UTC

i like this.

"cast no shadow" by ortoPilot.

please televise this, please televise this, please televise this

i secretly love the girls next door. ok you got me. i unsecretly love it. (but i’m only telling my blog…i tell her everything!!) yep, it’s a morbid fascination but it’s my morbid fascination. did you know bridget has a master’s degree? yeah.

anyway, by now i’m sure you’ve heard that kendra is engaged to some pro athlete that i don’t care about at all, and today people reported that holly madison will be a bridesmaid. way to go, holls! kendra will buy you a cute dress now! i always knew you were the smart one.

i’m just rilly rilly hoping for a special 2-hour girls next door wedding event. make it happen, h-mad! think about it:

hef walking kendra down the aisle in his burgundy smoking coat and house shoes.
kendra laughing several times throughout the blessed event.
holly’s magic boyfriend making the funfetti wedding cake levitate.

THAT’S GOOD TV.

why you hafta do me like that?

dear 30 rock,

what the heck, people?! i have been talking you up to basically everyone i meet, and you let me down. i just hope none of my "investigators" were watching for the first time tonight. talk about embarrassing.

gosh, it would be like bringing a friend to church and having the weird old lady get up and go on a incoherent racist rant before one of the even more expressive congregation members makes his way to the pulpit to perform a rousing rendition of "pour some sugar on me." with bagpipes.

that's what it would be like. i'm not kidding.

last week was actually funny. i have included a recap of that good episode below my signature for your review. please try to live up to this in the future.

disappointed but still committed,

hollylynn

so, do you prefer lead to ink?

was a question i was asked after coming back to my desk after sharpening all five (5) pencils i have at my workstation. i have been at my job a year and a half and have yet to sharpen a pencil. i even had to ask beckie if we had a pencil sharpener in the office.

i like writing with a pencil to scribble notes on the fly – my action items from a meeting, for example.

i don’t know why.

a shrink might say it stems back to my love for tom hanks and my hope that he would send me a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.

i associate the good old fashioned pencil with school (when it was fun, learning cursive and times tables…or maybe it was just the new school clothes), freshly fallen leaves, preppy scarves, tights with boots, daylight savings, caramel apples (have you had one yet this year? i have, and it was delightful) and my birthday.

speaking of which, what are you getting me for my birthday?

byob

or should i say byodc? meaning of course, bring your own diet coke.

i've mentioned that one of the many reasons i love my job is the coke fridge in the break room that is typically stocked with dc.

we ran out today.

it was hard on us all. i even drank a coke zero (i know, i know). usually, nothing can take diet coke's place. when you want one, you want one. you know? reminds me of a time i was out to eat with a friend who feels similarly at a place that only has pepsi products (how could we not have known?). when my friend asked for a diet coke, we were told that the closest thing they had was diet pepsi. looking up solemnly, he replied,

"just this once."

i was shocked at his defection but it did give me the strength to venture out and order one as well.

i just read this post. i think i have what some members of the medical community may call a "problem."

if so, someone call dr. drew. i might be having some crazy withdrawal side effects tomorrow.

you're welcome.

i'm about to show you a real sweet blog.

my friend angie (that's super angie to you) from back home is a social studies teacher in a small eskimo village. i know, so cool. she recently got a fullbright scholarship to teach in morocco - i know, even cooler.

lucky for you and me, she's blogging about it. angie in morocco has it all. witty narrative, fab photos, cute kitties, it's a winner all around. so check her out on my blogroll to the right. or, just visit http://angieinmorocco.blogspot.com.

enjoy!

new blog feature.

as many of you know, i have lots of opinions. what you might not know is that i adore giving advice. also, i know everything.

in light of these simple facts, i would like to introduce you to a new blog feature i like to call:

hollylynn says.

(fabulous logo forthcoming)

yes that's my blog address. also a new game. not unlike "dear abby." it will turn the blog into an advice column, one day a week no month no let's be honest whenever i feel like it.

the first round of advice will be dished out on

tuesday, nov. 18.

how we play is, in the comments section of this post, you ask my advice. this can be about anything. anything! dealing with a pesky coworker, getting a date, peeling an apple...look, i could go on here but the point is: the sky is the limit.

if you're a little sheepish about your question, just post the comment anonymously, or email me your quandary at hollylynnsays at gmail dot com.

this will be fun! send me your conundrum by the 18th and i'll pick one from the pile.

i can't believe i forgot to tell you this.

the other day i was going to 7-11 to get an icy diet coke. i pulled in next to a lovely bmw x5. someone got out of the car - the owner of the sev!

now i always knew mukesh was a classy man (for real), but this caught me off guard.

i could hardly wait to tell jmadd who said, "it doesn't suprise me. with all the big gulps i buy there, they guy should be swimming in benjamins."

amen, sister.

this is officially the second most memorable thing that has ever happened to me while buying an icy diet coke at 7-11.

fluff your pillow? dust your head?

housekeeping!

i've heard from several people that they have not been able to post comments to my blog lately. deeply apologetic. i just changed my comments settings and we should be in good shape now.

if it won't let you comment, please email me at hollylynnsays at gmail dot com so i can get it straightened out.

...or so i can take my push-button publishing to wordpress so fast blogger won't even know what hit it...

married! geesh.

ok, after that last post i started missing jake ryan real bad. but the best part of this clip is long duk dong at the very end after he slams the door on jake.

enjoy!

it's been a long time, long time

this is blane from pretty in pink:

this is zach condon of beirut:

same hair same face same outfit.

ok, maybe i'm the only one who sees it. anyway, like i said, it's been a long time so i thought i'd push some music on you all. maybe it's due to my recent glass case of emotion, but i have not been feeling particularly inspired by music the i've been hearing these days.

i mean, what are you guys listening to? i'm so open to recommendations.

anyhoo, you can head on over the playlist for a little "elephant gun" by beirut (thanks, hannah, for introducing us). i gave it a good listen and it is f-bomb free.

i think i really like this song a lot (but it's hard to tell. "it's the same with guys i mean...you may think you like someone. but, you could be wrong." name that movie. i'm ashamed. it's soo easy).

zach condon's voice is cool and distinct. if i may go ahead and use a modifier with a superlative, it's one of the most unique (sorry, every journalism professor i ever had) voices i've heard in a while, and i like the horns. usually i hate horns in vocal music (because it reminds me of ska, which i find incredibly annoying).

aaand, he looks like blane. amiright? amiright?

what do you think (about the song, about blane, we could also chat about jake ryan if you feel so inclined)?

do you ever just feel

like you're in a glass case of emotion?

but you know, in a good way.

an apology.

dear blog,

i am deeply sorry. i missed our blogoversary. i meant to congratulate our partnership on our 200th post and mention how much i love blogging and how i appreciate the creative outlet it allows me and how much i love reading the things that other people blog/care about.

yay blogging.

this is the 203rd post. as usual, i am a day late and a dollar short. but i love you anyway. and you should probably get used to my tardiness cuz it ain't going away.

xoxo
hollylynn

warning:

***this post may or may not contain strong opinions. the city of provo may tar and feather me for voicing these feelings. read at your own risk. if i were really skinny enterprises not responsible for any crying/hurt feelings that may result from reading this post.***

today i made the mistake of leaving the house. i'll be more succinct: i made the mistake of driving within a 2 mile radius of edwards stadium at byu. which by the way is basically impossible not to do if you're trying to get anywhere that matters in utah valley.

if you live in provo/orem, you know exactly what i'm talking about. during the fall on saturdays, you must remain a prisoner in your own home if you wish to escape the byu football fans and the subsequent concentration of redonkulously terrible utah drivers.

they are rabid. they will kill you.

i could not care less about byu football if my heart were surgically removed.

mind you, i respect byu. being mormon my whole life and now living in utah for the past 2 1/2 years, i run into quite a few byu students and graduates. i have to say, i tolerate the majority of them quite well, and am actually rather fond of quite a few of them (most of my current coworkers as well as lots of my friends and even a few relatives). all my byu friends: i like you. i'll keep you.

but byu sports, you and i will never be friends. and you avid byu fans - probably don't bring up football. if you keep this rule, we should be fine.

memories...

last night i was listening to my trusty internet radio station when the cranberries came on. linger, to be specific (on the playlist to the right. i've taken a page from jocelyn's book and alphabetized by artist).

it brought back several specific memories, including but not limited to:

sun ripened raspberry body splash from bath & body works.
shopping at contempo.
sixth grade - specifically having to change into uniforms for p.e. - i think the body splash made me think of this actually...
clueless.
the purple crushed velvet dress i bought at 5.7.9 to wear to my first school dance. i wish i still had that smokin frock...

don't you love how a song can do that?

well, all right.

first of all, did you know that 'all right' is ALWAYS two words and that under no circumstances is it correct to use 'alright' ever ever ever?

you know now.

second of all, i thought i'd tell you all what i think about barack obama. i bet my opinion is the first you've seen all day!!! yep, i have lots of original thoughts.

when brian williams told me that obama had won, and by a landslide at that, it was an emotional moment for me. i couldn't put my finger on what it was. i mean there is the obvious historical significance and the strides our country has made that the election has made evident and the fact that these times are so freakin depressing we'll all pretty much cry at the drop of a hat. but as i've talked to some people and listened to some npr and read some good blogs, these are some impressions:

1. the sheer number of votes obama received makes me satisfied that he is indeed what the country wants. in the past two elections, i never really felt like bush "won" as much as gore and kerry had just lost. if that makes any sense. no real majority ever really backed bush the way they backed obama yesterday.

2. obama's victory shows america's preference of hope over fear. i find that quite inspiring.

3. obama has a huge task to live up to all the hope we've placed in him.

4. let's back this guy up. shark bait referenced this bob lonsberry (who i've never heard of - is that bad?) quote and i agree:

Those who didn't vote for Barack Obama must set a higher standard of civility and citizenship than those who didn't vote for George W. Bush. In defeat, there must still be nobility.The last eight years have taught us what happens when you set out to destroy a presidency for political gain. You help your candidate, but you hurt your country. That pattern must not be followed with this new president. America must treat Barack Obama better than he treated George W. Bush.

did anyone else get the warm fuzzies?

seriously?

i voted today. wahoo!

since i haven't voted in oh such a long time (i know, bad me) i couldn't remember what i needed. i asked becky:

"hey, do i just need my drivers license?"
"actually, they didn't ask for mine."

JIGGA WHAT?

i told hannah:

"they didn't ask for becky's i.d. when she voted."
"huh...yeah, they didn't ask for mine either."

YOU DON'T SAY.

i told becky:

"they didn't ask for hannah's either! isn't that kind of messed up?"
"yeah for real. for all we know, hollylynn's ballot has already been cast."

i knew she was making fun of me a little bit but i really wondered why they weren't checking for identification. i mean...right?! shouldn't they?

becky helped me formulate this plan that i would go and not take out my drivers license (she and hannah both had theirs in their hands when they approached the poll workers) and then when they didn't ask for it, prompt, "oh, don't you want to see my i.d.?"

good, huh? that'll make them straighten up and fly right. this is the american democratic process! do it right!

so i did. and they said, "nope. go over there to an open machine. thanks."

of course i always assume the worst. the first thing that flashed into my mind is chuck bass paying that red haired girl to take the SAT for serena when she was passed out from that roofie that georgina gave her.

but anyway, does anyone know why they wouldn't ask for identification? does that seem strange to anyone other than me?

why today was splendid:

1. it was one of the most positive and productive workd days i've had in weeks.
2. i watched gossip girl.
3. my dad sent me a text message - i always get the biggest kick out of that!
4. i gave myself some highlights. some very subtle highlights. highlights so faint i doubt that people with normal eyesight will notice them.

how was your day?

confession.

i totally punked out on halloween.

i didn't dress up as sarah palin...i didn't put on a headband with cat ears and draw myself some whiskers with eyeliner...i didn't do anything.

i wore jeans and my fav hoodie from 2003. i called it: "holly: the college years." or as one of my friends so aptly and michael scott-ly put it, a "hollygram."

everyone thought it was a total scream.

can i just say...

thank you!

thanks to all who follow my little blog and double thanks to you commenters. today i've been combing through you lovely peeps who follow me, checking out your blogs and the other blogs you follow. and i have you say...you're splendid!

my blogging bestie and real life gal pal emily once told me, "there's no stroke to the ego like someone saying they read your blog." and i wholeheartedly agree.

my goal this month is comment more often. so many times i'll read one of your posts and have an excellent dialog with myself about it and then not post a comment. sad, i know.

being that november is my birth month (yes, the actual day is the 28th but i kind of like to celebrate all month long because let's be honest...who'd that ever hurt?), i thought i'd give a little more love and be a more active commenter.

so, get ready!

some things i loved about hsm.

first of all, whenever someone says "hsm," i immediately think "hsn" and then i want to say,

"i don't take you to be the kind of person that buys stuff off of tv."

not that i'm judging. so i hope you don't judge me for watching high school musical 3.

you know, i smiled. i tapped my toe. we shared a few laughs. here's my top 10 list of stand out moments from this fine flick:

10. i'm (still) pleased as punch to no longer be a high school student.

9. zac efron and corbin bleu dancing in a junk yard like janet jackson.

8. you would think that with the money this movie is making, they could have given sharpay a more believable weave...just as a show of good faith.

7. zac efron wearing a bandanna on his head to go to the junk yard. visions of a.d. hot cops dancing thru my head.

6. zac efron and vanessa hudgens dancing in the rain and not kissing.

5. east high school being incredibly easy to break in to.

4. 6 beautiful kids monopolizing every club in the school that gets any exposure.

3. boys in high school reacting to prom the way boys my age react toward the prospect of a steady relationship ("i think it's too late to back out of this" was the line)

2. beautiful snow-capped wasatch mountains.

...and my number one comment about hsm 3:

hoping the whole time that ryan and kelsi would love each other and it never happening. i guess i'll have to get that in "hsm 4: performing all those dance numbers instead of studying made you fail your finals and none of you graduated!" ...fingers crossed!

any other hsm virgins take the plunge with the latest installment? thoughts or impressions?

30 rock.

can you wait? i couldn't wait. if your patience level is anything like mine, you should click here.

a big thanks to becky for pointing this out to me!

a few thoughts.

i just watched the hills and i had a few thoughts:

corey is the only person more boring than audrina.

lauren is so over this show.

when brody talks about stephanie, it sounds a LOT like spencer talking about...anyone other than heidi.

who's that guy with lo?

i miss whitney.

lauren and brody are so dating. i want them to love each other.

what the serious talk with jBob?

spencer's beard is looking extra long and gross.

audrina makes boys cry.

heidi still has a job?

did you have any thoughts?

spooky halloween story

after being out of makeup for a good 8+ weeks (i know, so gross!), i couldn’t take it anymore. i went to the MAC counter for a fresh bottle of hyper real foundation, the greatest foundation of all. i’ve been practicing some slogans for it:

hyper real: the most amazing foundation ever
hyper real: the foundation we will wear in heaven
hyper real: when you wear it no one will know you’re a total mess
hyper real: the foundation that is not made, but is collected when the energy that radiates from serena van der woodsen’s youthful, gorgeous smile is captured and bottled as something we mere mortals can have ourselves for a just 28 american dollars, in an array of warm and cool shades to compliment any skin tone.

i kind of like the last one.

so i’m looking and i don’t see it anywhere. lip quivering, i asked the girl in black with the heavy liquid eyeliner and the flower in her hair, “where is the hyper real?”

“it’s been discontinued,” she told me, a little to cheerfully.

“what?! when?!” i demanded.

“uh…a week ago?”

the rest of this story doesn’t really matter.

i’m languishing, friends. truly sad. i’ve never had a beauty product i love so be discontinued until now. has this ever happened to you? how did you cope?

am i lame?

i think i'm going to be sarah palin for halloween. but not sexy sarah palin like in this (super funny) fake magazine cover. regular sarah palin.

i hate halloween. i'm not sure why, but i just do.

but i'm going to a halloween party for which it would be a terrible misstep to not be dressed up.

i have a skirt suit. i have glasses. i have brown hair.

i'm thinking governor palin it is.

any tips?

the pageantry of it all!

k, so i got a bookworm award from shorty at securityville. sa-weet! i love awards. only with this one, i have to do something to earn it, which if i’m doing the math right means that it’s like one part award, two parts homework.

the sitch is that you pick up the nearest book, open it to page 56, and type out the fifth sentence on the page.

and let me tell you, if i owned any books with more than 20 pages, i totally would!

so, see ya.

i kid, i kid. shorty is a fit bird. she has a cool tattoo and is a military wife (from what i gather anyway – correct me if i’m wrong), which is why i’m going to participate in this, my

last.
tag.
ever.

forever? forever ever? forever ever ever?

yes.

which just happens to be my 190th post. coincidence? i think yes! total coincidence. well anyhoohah, here goes:

The rules are: Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!

whoa, whoa, i got it. no need to get all CAPSy on me.

the book that’s closest to me is eats, shoots and leaves by lynne truss. it’s about punctuation. i’m one of the nerdiest people alive.

Bill Walsh’s charmingly titled book Lapsing into a Comma (Walsh is a copy desk chief at The Washington Post) explains that while many American newspapers prefer “Connors’ forehand”, his own preference is for “Connors’s forehand” – “and I’m happy to be working for a newspaper that feels the same way I do.”

that’s all i’m going to say because this book is printed on small paper and even that sentence goes well over into the next page.

and for the record, when i saw the book title, “lapsing into a comma” i totally giggled out loud.

i pass this onto my five worst updaters in the authoritative experts section over yonder -->

tiff at tiffany&chris
jac at e4ellenberger and jacqueanne
alex at amy alexandrea
beckie at just the three of us
shauna at CBOX

happy weekend, party people.

hold still for a sec...

...while i give you a cookie recipe (no, not THE cookie recipe) that will make your fall feel festive and make people like you.

i learned it from jacque anne. one of the reasons i love her so.

1 (small) can of pumpkin
1 spice cake mix
1/2 bag mini chocolate chips

mix all ingredients together. drop by heaping tablespoonfuls on a cookie sheet. bake at 350 F for 10-12 minutes. you don't want to underbake these things. they're done when they bounce back a little when you touch them (you know...like cake).

you're making a knife out of a knife?

usually i don't love the office, but it sure has its moments...like tonight when dwight was using a knife to carve a knife out of wood (presumably to kill andy).

thanks, mindi, for stealing this image from someone so i could steal it from you.

office chat.

today i had a conference call with some of my people.

me: ok, is everyone here?
everyone: yes.
colleague: sweet; who brought salsa and guac?
me: i brought chips.
colleague: oh, so did i.
me: oh.
everyone: (pause)
colleague: what kind of chips did you bring?
me: i didn't bring chips. i was lying.
colleague: are you running for office?

yoinking stuff left and right.

so earlier today i totally kyped the funny halloween safety flier from jmadd and now i'm taking a page from i *heart* you's book and posting the chuck bass commercial.

i've been meaning to tell you all that when i think about britney spears lately, my heart swells with pride for our girl. seriously, she looks great. and that womanizer song (#1 on the playlist...check it. if you haven't been humming it for the past two weeks you must have a life or something) is one of her best yet. my fav, for sure. well, second that is. second only to "not a girl, not yet a woman." reminds me of freshman year of college, first roommates, good ol days. #2 on the playlist for old times' sake...what's wrong with that?

anyway, you know i love chuck so i was pretty thrilled with this ad. enjoy:

it's the economy, stupid.

so we're not the most "practical." so we don't want to "save our money." in fact, according to the latest skinny poll, most of us aren't even willing to liquefy our valuables to save ourselves from financial ruin.

good luck with those sugar daddies, everyone. and if you have an extra, why dontcha help a sister out?! send pic and resume to hollylynnsays (at) gmail (dot) com.

just kidding, unless you're not.

FAIL.

you may have beat blair waldorf at her own game, chuck bass, but public education is having the worst week ever!

i have been waiting with bated breath all day for jmadd to post this. seriously, people...let's count the usage mistakes, misspellings and superfluous apostrophes here, highlights magazine style. can you find them all?

hint: there are a gajillion.

(i hope it's big enough for you back there in the cheap seats.)

that's what you get...

...when you try to make a buck.

i added ads to my blog in hopes of an extra penny or two, and they were all for eating disorder treatment centers.

talk about judging a book by its cover. just because the title of my blog is "if i were really skinny..." suddenly all my readers have eating disorders? dig deeper, google. look beyond the facade.

it's like i told someone the other day:

i just wish free stuff i got on the internet would work properly.

tagged!

okie dokie little smokies, i've been tagged by cassy diane to name six random facts about myself and then pass it on...so here goes!

1. my family has a gift for chocolate chip cookies. everyone has talents, but we got the best one. (haha. in your face, other people. good luck with all your sports and stuff!)

2. i love the feeling of stepping out of an air conditioned building and into the hot summer sun. even better getting in my hot car and thawing out from the arctic chill of my office.

3. i think diet coke goes with everything.

4. my favorite neutral is gray, and i especially dig it with yellow.

5. when jack johnson was cool, i got a guitar. i really like it and i hope i get really good someday, but i don't think i've played it in oh...four years.

6. i color my own hair and hope to own a posh salon in an old (but restored), quirky cottage somewhere.

i tag nathan, because he's a new blogger. and...anyone else who's dying to talk about themselves. and we're bloggers so let's be honest...who isn't dying to talk about him/herself?

having a little dilemma.

if you’ll look to the right, you’ll find my list of authoritative experts. i have now given over FIFTY bloggers the prestigious title. that’s a little out of control…don’t you think?

but, i use my list of experts as my little rss feed. when someone updates, they jump to the top and i read them. if you’re around much, you’ll notice that. so it’s nice for me. and well…didn’t you know that my blog is kinda meant to serve my own purposes?

you didn’t…

oh, this is awkward.

well, i’m not taking any of you off my list, because all the blogs over there i la-la-love and i want all my dear readers to know about the genius that abounds here in this quaint cybervillage of ours. but beware, experts who don’t update regularly and often…you might be moved to a separate list.

just to clean it up a little around here.

i’m still reading all of you though, and if you prove your faithfulness i will totally move you back to the main list.

so, no pressure. except, just a little pressure.

let's get down to the issues.

amber at webbworldwide had this to say about the debate last night, and i thought i'd repost it because, classy dame that she is, amber believes in equitable jabbing.

I don't like to get into politics, but here's what I wish the
presidential candidates were REALLY debating about.

Me: Senator McCain, if elected president how will you help my teething twins to sleep through the night?

McCain: Let me tell you about Joe the Plummer (Grinch Grimmace). He wanted his own set of teeth, but the government was taxing him too heavily (blink blink), making them completely unaffordable. As president, I will not raise taxes so your teething twins and Joe the Plummer can acheive the American Dream of growing their own set of teeth.

Me: The American Dream? Uh, ok. Senator Obama, how would you help my teething twins sleep through the night?

Obama: (Craning neck) There are plenty of people with teeth to go around. With all these people chomping on more teeth than they can ever grow cavities in, why do babies need to grow their own? As president, I will make sure those who have any more than 250,000 teeth will pony up all the excess (flashes pearly whites). They don't mind. They already have too many teeth. Then your teething twins can skip the teething process and start out life with a complete set of adult teeth. Plus I will send them off to college.

Me: They're eleven months old. Weird.

thanks, amber! i think that about sums it up.

happy birthday, melissa!

yay...i know i've already posted twice today, but how could i forget about my dear melissa anne (aka hark or pretty pretty provo)?!

don'tcha like this photo i pirated off her facebook?

three things you should know about melissa:

1. she has really good abs and she doesn't have to try like, at all.

2. when we were roommates the first time, we had another melissa who we named "tex," because she was from texas. we called birthday melissa "pretty pretty provo," because she's really pretty and she's from provo. so. you know.

3. she is a sister after my own heart in several ways...one example: she taught me my fav diet mantra: "i don't drink calories."

happy birthday, melissa!

a love letter.

dear chuck bass,

what is your deal, anyway? i want so badly to know who messed you up. because i love you.

you're a dirty rotten scoundrel, and i want to help you.

if you ever looked at me with that little glare thing you do, i would probably want to laugh, but i would hold it in because i love your preppy arrogance.

i love it.

and so does blair. blair is the only woman i would surrender you to.

so give a sister a break. she will come around.

xoxo,

hollylynn

walk-ins not welcome at this beauty parlor.

last night i was at the office a little later than usual, all by myself, and the cleaning crew came in to do their thang while i was still type type typin' away.

i hear a rapping at the front window. i ignore it.

i hear a rapping at the back door. i go peek.

someone's out there, and i sure can't understand what they're saying. i try to communicate with the lady cleaning my office, dusting off my ol' conversational espanol (very valuable b.a....seems it turned out to be total b.s. because i could not communicate anything to her).
i leave the guy outside.

it reminded me of my old job, and old habits die hard.

i had this very loud, very smart, very intimidating boss, and this office with double tinted windows in an unmarked building. i did my little sales job from the reception area, and i had to buzz everyone in.

walk-ins NOT welcome.

"don't let anyone in, hally," he'd say. (he said my name kind of wrong.)
"if they matter they'll have a badge that gives them access to the door."
"don't let them in even if they look nice."
"don't let them in if they have an axe stuck in their head. call an ambulance and let them wait outside."

i lived and died by those words because i was scared to death of my boss, and i knew the one guy i buzzed in would come in and kill us all and steal our secret sauce.

i was often suspicious of the mailman.

and that's why last night i didn't let in the cleaning lady's husband so that she could give him the car keys.

end scene.

yesss...

take a look at this man.i'm going to go ahead and say that if he approached me at, heck, the grocery store in broad daylight, lest a club, i would probably be scared and make a bee line to the other side of the room where i would gather my girlfriends, stand in a circle and clap my hands. name that song.

but this man would probably be able to woo one of us away from the circle, because he supposedly can get any woman he wants. his name is mystery and he's the host of vh1's "pick-up artist."

i'm a little scared of mystery, but his show is AWESOME.

in a battle of fabulosity between the pick up artist and gossip girl, i'd have to say (and be careful because i'm about to make a strong statement. if you're not prepared you might want to go off somewhere quiet and think about hannah montana) that i'm not sure which would win. i blaspheme. but i'm not sorry.

mystery takes 12 unfortunate guys (scared of girls, lives in mom's basement, women think he's gay, you get the idea) and teaches them how to talk to girls and actually get their interest.

and it totally works!

i love watching it. say what you will about mystery, but his nail polish is never chipped, his guyliner never smeared, and he's got us girls all figured out. mad props. i will be watching.

any other fans out there?

where have all the trainwrecks gone?

i mean it.

lilo is in a serious relationship, britbrit looks amazing and her career is on fire, paris hilton has been looking really classy lately, nicole ritchie is doing the whole mom thing...we haven't even heard from courtney love lately. the p!nk/carey hart divorce was more amicable than we all thought, amy winehouse is laying low and mariah carey and nick cannon are still married. not a peep from khloe kardashian.

could it be that in the midst of global financial turmoil, our most exciting celebrities have sold all shares of their own stocks and are now just sitting in their bomb shelters atop piles of cash with their shotguns and twinkies just waiting it out?

or maybe they've all become mormons?

or perhaps a little of both?

important issue to discuss over here.

sometimes, i look in the mirror and i just think:

"you should have tried harder today."

and then sometimes i look in the mirror and i go:

"AGHHHH!!! have you been walking around like this ALL DAY?"

a friend of mine, i think it was hannah, said that sometimes you just have to channel your celebrity doppelganger. your celebrity doppelganger is someone you can channel when you need a little boost in the confidence department. and i can't remember what hers was. but i'm trying to decide on one. with my new brown hair (and if i were really skinny of course), i'd say mine might be a post-breakup anne hathaway:

then again, it could be sophia bush:

but it's hard to tell. what do you think? what celebrity would you channel when your ego is in dire straights?

happy birthday, amber!

i already suck at this "shout out to my people on their birthday" thing. i'm a day behind for amber dear.

three things you should know about amber:

1. she's a sweetie! the first friend i made when my parents moved me to IDAHO on my 14th birthday (of course, when you're 14, everything your parents do ruins your life).

2. she has the best taste in music. if it weren't for amber, i would have never heard of guster.

3. she has twin one-year-old boys and they're adorable. collin in particular is my bff. grant is lovely also but we don't know each other as well.

happy birthday, amber!

slightly disturbed over here.

ok, so i recommended that suzanne vega song (#1 on the playlist) because i thought it was a cute little beat and i just heard it above the sounds of starbucks.

it's totally about domestic violence.

i'm a little disturbed that such a happy sounding song is about such a heavy, scary issue.

so have a safe night. and ladies, hit 'em up style, if needed.

blaaah-ging from baaah-ston.

head over to the playlist for luka by suzanne vega. i just heard it y me gusta mucho.

so last night i took a flight to boston next to a couple who was clearly on their honeymoon. good thing you never stopped caressing each other, honeymooners, otherwise i would have thought you were only normal-person in love, but you are way more than that. so thanks for letting me know.

then when i was outside a recording studio on newberry street which for the record is the most charming street i've ever seen, a not-quite-as-charming woman told my client he would die in approximately one week. i wanted to get some pictures (of the street, not the lady) but the sun was in an awkward place.

so enough about me...how are you?

crackheaded family humor.

here's greeting card idea my dad and i had tonight.

on the front: a little mosquito told me you had west nile.

inside: sorry, that bites.

don't you wish you were us?

if this gets dented, my hair just ain’t gonna look right.

1. name that movie.
2. i’m off to salt lake for a weekend of non-stop, full tilt, in your face, all family time all the time channel, weekend. if you are looking for a time to rob my house, this might be your best bet.

heart you all. hardcore.

happy weekend.

xoxo
hollylynn

just do it ok? even i am.

invasion of the obama texts.

ok. i know that obama is the president of awesome.

but i signed up for his little text messaging thingy so i could be "THE FIRST TO KNOW!" when he picked a running mate.

well i didn't get a text then, but i have been getting them since. it's annoying. ever so slightly.

and there are no instructions for unsubscribe. what gives, obama?

image: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSBgGx2u_ArRsnyCSSKLtSiRMxKMWeeGQS-RSnu39EnA-uycPHeuygclz16fCZgZcPCGZ6ywijL5gaWXkK_M5YQg4We1nxRDrHjrQ2rJ4CTQe8uYJLXjrNiEUIpUavTMTfvhzb5REi87PP/s1600-h/untitled.bmp

a memo

to: my throat
re: that thing you've been doing

throat:

why have you been doing that thing? that throat thing. you know, the one that makes me sound like a smoker and clear my throat at the most inopportune times?

the rest of my body seems to be virtually mono-free, but you insist on hanging on to the sick.

how can i further support you in your quest for health? please advise.

best,
hollylynn

hollylynn
editor, president, founder and ceo
if i were really skinny enterprises

hop on over to the playlist for...

artist: little jackie

song: the stoop

i'm probably the nerdiest utah girl you've ever met, but somehow this song about brooklyn speaks to me. probably because it's about sitting on the porch eating chips. i don't know.

anyhoohah...what do you think?

a stammering idiot.

is what i look like when people ask me any of the following questions:

1. so, what do you like to do in your spare time?
2. what kind of music do you like?
3. what is your favorite movie?

because chello - can you bottle sunshine? can you spell a smile? can you draw love?

you can't. no one can.

plus, in fairness, i could answer these questions but then no one would like me.

1. watch tv and blog stalk
2. whiny teen alternative and anything with kanye west
3. mean girls. i can't believe you even asked.

but that all makes me look pretty lame right?! i mean holy waste of a first impression. so i've resolved to get talking points. i'm in pr. i can do this.

once in college one of my professors made us decide what our values are. i bet you think you know what yours are but if i asked you, you'd look like a stammering idiot too.

"i think that people should just like, be good and do good things. and justice! totally justice. you know?"

wow, friend. did martin luther king jr. let you borrow his speechwriter? no?

so he had us call out values. there were probably about 100 on the whiteboard when all was said and done. then we had to write down all that really resonated with us. then narrow it down to 20, then 10, and then 5. and i still remember mine (although the professor's name escapes me):

truth.

tolerance.

beauty.

humor.

love.

what are yours?*

*which begs the question, "if i don't tell you what mine are will you think i don't have values?" the answer is yes. so you better look in the mirror.

meat is the new bread!

i have a feeling that a lot of you missed this video because my blog did something screwy and put this video a few posts down. but you need to watch it.
yay alec baldwin
yay tina fey
yay tracy jordan...eh...morgan
yay yay yay

30 Rock - The Meat Machine Movies & TV SPIKE.com

oh, what’s that?

ahem...the following is a post i wrote today airing grievances (i know, i know...festivus isn't for months) before the nice boys at geek squad helped me connect to the internet.

sorry, did you just ask me how very debilitating it is to have your home internet stop working when the comcast tech comes to set up your home network and then you can't figure out how to get it running again for several days including a weekend? yeah, thought i heard that.

thanks for asking.

seriously, you’re great.

to answer your question, it’s hellacious. i have to stay late at work to take care of all my non-business-related business. i have to save up all my sa-weet blog ideas in my handy dandy notebook during the evenings/weekends/whenevers and pray i remember all the witty nuances i wanted to capture the next day after 5 when i can blog my little heart out, then schedule my posts to come out little by little so it looks natural.

but i do it because i am a woman obsessed.

you want it, you got it.

kind of.

in line with the results of the latest skinny poll, i turned off the auto-start on my blog music player. see? i listen!

but there’s one thing. i’m really self-righteous about my music. i’m like a californian. (love you long time, cali readers but you know it’s true.) but instead of prancing about proclaiming how much california is better than well, anywhere else, i parade about evangelizing my music. and let’s be honest, i get compliments about my music pretty regularly so…we’re gonna do something about it.

i’m going to tell you about songs i love now and again and make them the #1 spot on my little playlist to the right. and then i’m going to want your comments.

i would do song of the day but that’s waaaay too much commitment.

i would do song of the week but that’s a little too lazy.

so, stay tuned. i’m mulling it over and taking suggestions.

teehee.

today i made some chicken in my george foreman grill and it reminded me of the tracy jordan meat machine. and i got really excited for 30 rock to start up on oct. 30.

30 Rock - The Meat Machine Movies & TV SPIKE.com

an explanation.

i don’t ski.

and it’s not because i’m an “indoor girl” and it’s not because i don’t take risks. it’s not that i don’t like sports or that i am worried about ruining my manicure.

i don’t ski because i know that if i ever tried, i would injure myself.

and then i’d really be sorry.

this is the girl who has burned herself with a curling iron in the exact same spot twice within a two month window.

this is the girl who got hit in the face with a baseball bat the first time she ever went to a baseball game.

this is the girl who has never played catch without taking a baseball to the nose (now i’ll never be a teen model).

i support myself. if i don’t take care of me then no one will. i can’t justify being carefree when the possible cost is a broken leg…or face. pretty hard to fight the good fight with a femur that’s snapped in half.

so sorry. i’m probably going to continue not skiing.

but if a guy is cute enough he could probably talk me into it. just saying.

a letter of apathy.

dear hair,

this is just to say that i don’t hate you today.

dget too excited about it or anything. i did expend a significant amount of effort to make you look sleek and modern and let a ton of purple conditioner sit on you for like seven minutes last night so you wouldn’t look orange.

so you can’t take all that much credit, really.

i’m just saying, i don’t hate you. if i were really skinny you might look better on me but whatever. that’s all. i’m still going single process blonde at some point in the future. i don’t know that there’s a lot you can do to stop me.

but i can be bought in certain instances. i’m not above that.

regards,
hollylynn

yay whitney.

oh i love this.

and this.

thanks iheartyoublog.com for the foto.

the genius of stephanie pratt.

to take a page from the fugly book...

audrina: oh my gosh, can you believe that stephanie thought she could go out with doug and you wouldn't find out? does she not know that there are about 6 people in our universe and we're all super gossipy? oh and that everything we do is on tv?
lauren: i'm so removing stephanie from my five.
whitney: i can't believe i'm locked into a contract with you people and laughing is the only reaction that looks pretty on camera.

ok, i know i sounded a little negative when i said i didn't like the hills. you'll be happy to know i haven't given up, and there were a few key takeaways from this week's episode i'd like you to note.

1. no one in italy wears heels. i'm serious. don't even bother bringing them. {i learn a lot from lc}

2. if you go on a date with lauren's ex, audrina might not tell on you, but brody will. {stephanie not the brightest}

3. lo looks much better blond. {mourning my yellow hair}

4. "batman" should have been called "joker." {novel idea, spencer}

and up top is a photo with whitney in it. because i missed her, and there are about zero cute press pics of her out there.

it's a rule.

there's this rule i learned that i like to call the five dollars rule (not the 'whoa, twenty dollars!' rule, joellen). if someone tells you a story that's really lame, they have to end it with, "and then i found five dollars." because then even though they told you a lame story, they still found five dollars.

and finding five dollars is not lame.

finding five dollars is sa-weeeet.

one time i found twenty dollars in my jeans pocket and i about passed out from excitement. c'mon. you know. here's an example of the five dollars rule in action:

once there was a girl named hollylynn who worked at a job that sometimes has quite a high pressure quotient (but i could be wrong because i'm really bad at math). one tuesday, the only personal call she got all day was a life insurance salesman and then she had an (un)intelligent debate with an intern about which episode of the oc played which imogen heap song...

...and then she found five dollars.

and that's how it's done. try using it in conversation today.

you're welcome.

a sunday stroll, or attack of the puppy snatchers.

yesterday as i strolled through my neighborhood, minding my own business, i happened upon the sweetest little twee puppy i've ever seen, not unlike the one here. i'm pretty sure his name was cappy. i wanted to scoop him up and run like a bat out of hell into the safety of my apartment and keep him forevah.

his owners had let him just sit out on the porch(someone call the aspca) which i see as grounds for me giving him a new home. also, he was following me, so you know.

and i don't even like animals. just saying.

happy birthday, erin!

new blog tradition - shoutout to my people on their birthdays.
today is erin's birthday.

three things you should know about erin:

1. she gets a high from cleaning (and not just because she's breathing bleach).

2. she is witty beyond her years and always down for some good, clean fun.

3. she is my psychic friend. when we see someone at the mall lookin a little special, we make eye contact and instantly know what the other is thinking.

happy birthday, erin! heart you hardcore!