30 rock.

can you wait? i couldn't wait. if your patience level is anything like mine, you should click here.

a big thanks to becky for pointing this out to me!

a few thoughts.

i just watched the hills and i had a few thoughts:

corey is the only person more boring than audrina.

lauren is so over this show.

when brody talks about stephanie, it sounds a LOT like spencer talking about...anyone other than heidi.

who's that guy with lo?

i miss whitney.

lauren and brody are so dating. i want them to love each other.

what the serious talk with jBob?

spencer's beard is looking extra long and gross.

audrina makes boys cry.

heidi still has a job?

did you have any thoughts?

spooky halloween story

after being out of makeup for a good 8+ weeks (i know, so gross!), i couldn’t take it anymore. i went to the MAC counter for a fresh bottle of hyper real foundation, the greatest foundation of all. i’ve been practicing some slogans for it:

hyper real: the most amazing foundation ever
hyper real: the foundation we will wear in heaven
hyper real: when you wear it no one will know you’re a total mess
hyper real: the foundation that is not made, but is collected when the energy that radiates from serena van der woodsen’s youthful, gorgeous smile is captured and bottled as something we mere mortals can have ourselves for a just 28 american dollars, in an array of warm and cool shades to compliment any skin tone.

i kind of like the last one.

so i’m looking and i don’t see it anywhere. lip quivering, i asked the girl in black with the heavy liquid eyeliner and the flower in her hair, “where is the hyper real?”

“it’s been discontinued,” she told me, a little to cheerfully.

“what?! when?!” i demanded.

“uh…a week ago?”

the rest of this story doesn’t really matter.

i’m languishing, friends. truly sad. i’ve never had a beauty product i love so be discontinued until now. has this ever happened to you? how did you cope?

am i lame?

i think i'm going to be sarah palin for halloween. but not sexy sarah palin like in this (super funny) fake magazine cover. regular sarah palin.

i hate halloween. i'm not sure why, but i just do.

but i'm going to a halloween party for which it would be a terrible misstep to not be dressed up.

i have a skirt suit. i have glasses. i have brown hair.

i'm thinking governor palin it is.

any tips?

the pageantry of it all!

k, so i got a bookworm award from shorty at securityville. sa-weet! i love awards. only with this one, i have to do something to earn it, which if i’m doing the math right means that it’s like one part award, two parts homework.

the sitch is that you pick up the nearest book, open it to page 56, and type out the fifth sentence on the page.

and let me tell you, if i owned any books with more than 20 pages, i totally would!

so, see ya.

i kid, i kid. shorty is a fit bird. she has a cool tattoo and is a military wife (from what i gather anyway – correct me if i’m wrong), which is why i’m going to participate in this, my

last.
tag.
ever.

forever? forever ever? forever ever ever?

yes.

which just happens to be my 190th post. coincidence? i think yes! total coincidence. well anyhoohah, here goes:

The rules are: Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!

whoa, whoa, i got it. no need to get all CAPSy on me.

the book that’s closest to me is eats, shoots and leaves by lynne truss. it’s about punctuation. i’m one of the nerdiest people alive.

Bill Walsh’s charmingly titled book Lapsing into a Comma (Walsh is a copy desk chief at The Washington Post) explains that while many American newspapers prefer “Connors’ forehand”, his own preference is for “Connors’s forehand” – “and I’m happy to be working for a newspaper that feels the same way I do.”

that’s all i’m going to say because this book is printed on small paper and even that sentence goes well over into the next page.

and for the record, when i saw the book title, “lapsing into a comma” i totally giggled out loud.

i pass this onto my five worst updaters in the authoritative experts section over yonder -->

tiff at tiffany&chris
jac at e4ellenberger and jacqueanne
alex at amy alexandrea
beckie at just the three of us
shauna at CBOX

happy weekend, party people.

hold still for a sec...

...while i give you a cookie recipe (no, not THE cookie recipe) that will make your fall feel festive and make people like you.

i learned it from jacque anne. one of the reasons i love her so.

1 (small) can of pumpkin
1 spice cake mix
1/2 bag mini chocolate chips

mix all ingredients together. drop by heaping tablespoonfuls on a cookie sheet. bake at 350 F for 10-12 minutes. you don't want to underbake these things. they're done when they bounce back a little when you touch them (you know...like cake).

you're making a knife out of a knife?

usually i don't love the office, but it sure has its moments...like tonight when dwight was using a knife to carve a knife out of wood (presumably to kill andy).

thanks, mindi, for stealing this image from someone so i could steal it from you.

office chat.

today i had a conference call with some of my people.

me: ok, is everyone here?
everyone: yes.
colleague: sweet; who brought salsa and guac?
me: i brought chips.
colleague: oh, so did i.
me: oh.
everyone: (pause)
colleague: what kind of chips did you bring?
me: i didn't bring chips. i was lying.
colleague: are you running for office?

yoinking stuff left and right.

so earlier today i totally kyped the funny halloween safety flier from jmadd and now i'm taking a page from i *heart* you's book and posting the chuck bass commercial.

i've been meaning to tell you all that when i think about britney spears lately, my heart swells with pride for our girl. seriously, she looks great. and that womanizer song (#1 on the playlist...check it. if you haven't been humming it for the past two weeks you must have a life or something) is one of her best yet. my fav, for sure. well, second that is. second only to "not a girl, not yet a woman." reminds me of freshman year of college, first roommates, good ol days. #2 on the playlist for old times' sake...what's wrong with that?

anyway, you know i love chuck so i was pretty thrilled with this ad. enjoy:

it's the economy, stupid.

so we're not the most "practical." so we don't want to "save our money." in fact, according to the latest skinny poll, most of us aren't even willing to liquefy our valuables to save ourselves from financial ruin.

good luck with those sugar daddies, everyone. and if you have an extra, why dontcha help a sister out?! send pic and resume to hollylynnsays (at) gmail (dot) com.

just kidding, unless you're not.

FAIL.

you may have beat blair waldorf at her own game, chuck bass, but public education is having the worst week ever!

i have been waiting with bated breath all day for jmadd to post this. seriously, people...let's count the usage mistakes, misspellings and superfluous apostrophes here, highlights magazine style. can you find them all?

hint: there are a gajillion.

(i hope it's big enough for you back there in the cheap seats.)

that's what you get...

...when you try to make a buck.

i added ads to my blog in hopes of an extra penny or two, and they were all for eating disorder treatment centers.

talk about judging a book by its cover. just because the title of my blog is "if i were really skinny..." suddenly all my readers have eating disorders? dig deeper, google. look beyond the facade.

it's like i told someone the other day:

i just wish free stuff i got on the internet would work properly.

tagged!

okie dokie little smokies, i've been tagged by cassy diane to name six random facts about myself and then pass it on...so here goes!

1. my family has a gift for chocolate chip cookies. everyone has talents, but we got the best one. (haha. in your face, other people. good luck with all your sports and stuff!)

2. i love the feeling of stepping out of an air conditioned building and into the hot summer sun. even better getting in my hot car and thawing out from the arctic chill of my office.

3. i think diet coke goes with everything.

4. my favorite neutral is gray, and i especially dig it with yellow.

5. when jack johnson was cool, i got a guitar. i really like it and i hope i get really good someday, but i don't think i've played it in oh...four years.

6. i color my own hair and hope to own a posh salon in an old (but restored), quirky cottage somewhere.

i tag nathan, because he's a new blogger. and...anyone else who's dying to talk about themselves. and we're bloggers so let's be honest...who isn't dying to talk about him/herself?

having a little dilemma.

if you’ll look to the right, you’ll find my list of authoritative experts. i have now given over FIFTY bloggers the prestigious title. that’s a little out of control…don’t you think?

but, i use my list of experts as my little rss feed. when someone updates, they jump to the top and i read them. if you’re around much, you’ll notice that. so it’s nice for me. and well…didn’t you know that my blog is kinda meant to serve my own purposes?

you didn’t…

oh, this is awkward.

well, i’m not taking any of you off my list, because all the blogs over there i la-la-love and i want all my dear readers to know about the genius that abounds here in this quaint cybervillage of ours. but beware, experts who don’t update regularly and often…you might be moved to a separate list.

just to clean it up a little around here.

i’m still reading all of you though, and if you prove your faithfulness i will totally move you back to the main list.

so, no pressure. except, just a little pressure.

let's get down to the issues.

amber at webbworldwide had this to say about the debate last night, and i thought i'd repost it because, classy dame that she is, amber believes in equitable jabbing.

I don't like to get into politics, but here's what I wish the
presidential candidates were REALLY debating about.

Me: Senator McCain, if elected president how will you help my teething twins to sleep through the night?

McCain: Let me tell you about Joe the Plummer (Grinch Grimmace). He wanted his own set of teeth, but the government was taxing him too heavily (blink blink), making them completely unaffordable. As president, I will not raise taxes so your teething twins and Joe the Plummer can acheive the American Dream of growing their own set of teeth.

Me: The American Dream? Uh, ok. Senator Obama, how would you help my teething twins sleep through the night?

Obama: (Craning neck) There are plenty of people with teeth to go around. With all these people chomping on more teeth than they can ever grow cavities in, why do babies need to grow their own? As president, I will make sure those who have any more than 250,000 teeth will pony up all the excess (flashes pearly whites). They don't mind. They already have too many teeth. Then your teething twins can skip the teething process and start out life with a complete set of adult teeth. Plus I will send them off to college.

Me: They're eleven months old. Weird.

thanks, amber! i think that about sums it up.

happy birthday, melissa!

yay...i know i've already posted twice today, but how could i forget about my dear melissa anne (aka hark or pretty pretty provo)?!

don'tcha like this photo i pirated off her facebook?

three things you should know about melissa:

1. she has really good abs and she doesn't have to try like, at all.

2. when we were roommates the first time, we had another melissa who we named "tex," because she was from texas. we called birthday melissa "pretty pretty provo," because she's really pretty and she's from provo. so. you know.

3. she is a sister after my own heart in several ways...one example: she taught me my fav diet mantra: "i don't drink calories."

happy birthday, melissa!

a love letter.

dear chuck bass,

what is your deal, anyway? i want so badly to know who messed you up. because i love you.

you're a dirty rotten scoundrel, and i want to help you.

if you ever looked at me with that little glare thing you do, i would probably want to laugh, but i would hold it in because i love your preppy arrogance.

i love it.

and so does blair. blair is the only woman i would surrender you to.

so give a sister a break. she will come around.

xoxo,

hollylynn

walk-ins not welcome at this beauty parlor.

last night i was at the office a little later than usual, all by myself, and the cleaning crew came in to do their thang while i was still type type typin' away.

i hear a rapping at the front window. i ignore it.

i hear a rapping at the back door. i go peek.

someone's out there, and i sure can't understand what they're saying. i try to communicate with the lady cleaning my office, dusting off my ol' conversational espanol (very valuable b.a....seems it turned out to be total b.s. because i could not communicate anything to her).
i leave the guy outside.

it reminded me of my old job, and old habits die hard.

i had this very loud, very smart, very intimidating boss, and this office with double tinted windows in an unmarked building. i did my little sales job from the reception area, and i had to buzz everyone in.

walk-ins NOT welcome.

"don't let anyone in, hally," he'd say. (he said my name kind of wrong.)
"if they matter they'll have a badge that gives them access to the door."
"don't let them in even if they look nice."
"don't let them in if they have an axe stuck in their head. call an ambulance and let them wait outside."

i lived and died by those words because i was scared to death of my boss, and i knew the one guy i buzzed in would come in and kill us all and steal our secret sauce.

i was often suspicious of the mailman.

and that's why last night i didn't let in the cleaning lady's husband so that she could give him the car keys.

end scene.

yesss...

take a look at this man.i'm going to go ahead and say that if he approached me at, heck, the grocery store in broad daylight, lest a club, i would probably be scared and make a bee line to the other side of the room where i would gather my girlfriends, stand in a circle and clap my hands. name that song.

but this man would probably be able to woo one of us away from the circle, because he supposedly can get any woman he wants. his name is mystery and he's the host of vh1's "pick-up artist."

i'm a little scared of mystery, but his show is AWESOME.

in a battle of fabulosity between the pick up artist and gossip girl, i'd have to say (and be careful because i'm about to make a strong statement. if you're not prepared you might want to go off somewhere quiet and think about hannah montana) that i'm not sure which would win. i blaspheme. but i'm not sorry.

mystery takes 12 unfortunate guys (scared of girls, lives in mom's basement, women think he's gay, you get the idea) and teaches them how to talk to girls and actually get their interest.

and it totally works!

i love watching it. say what you will about mystery, but his nail polish is never chipped, his guyliner never smeared, and he's got us girls all figured out. mad props. i will be watching.

any other fans out there?

where have all the trainwrecks gone?

i mean it.

lilo is in a serious relationship, britbrit looks amazing and her career is on fire, paris hilton has been looking really classy lately, nicole ritchie is doing the whole mom thing...we haven't even heard from courtney love lately. the p!nk/carey hart divorce was more amicable than we all thought, amy winehouse is laying low and mariah carey and nick cannon are still married. not a peep from khloe kardashian.

could it be that in the midst of global financial turmoil, our most exciting celebrities have sold all shares of their own stocks and are now just sitting in their bomb shelters atop piles of cash with their shotguns and twinkies just waiting it out?

or maybe they've all become mormons?

or perhaps a little of both?

important issue to discuss over here.

sometimes, i look in the mirror and i just think:

"you should have tried harder today."

and then sometimes i look in the mirror and i go:

"AGHHHH!!! have you been walking around like this ALL DAY?"

a friend of mine, i think it was hannah, said that sometimes you just have to channel your celebrity doppelganger. your celebrity doppelganger is someone you can channel when you need a little boost in the confidence department. and i can't remember what hers was. but i'm trying to decide on one. with my new brown hair (and if i were really skinny of course), i'd say mine might be a post-breakup anne hathaway:

then again, it could be sophia bush:

but it's hard to tell. what do you think? what celebrity would you channel when your ego is in dire straights?

happy birthday, amber!

i already suck at this "shout out to my people on their birthday" thing. i'm a day behind for amber dear.

three things you should know about amber:

1. she's a sweetie! the first friend i made when my parents moved me to IDAHO on my 14th birthday (of course, when you're 14, everything your parents do ruins your life).

2. she has the best taste in music. if it weren't for amber, i would have never heard of guster.

3. she has twin one-year-old boys and they're adorable. collin in particular is my bff. grant is lovely also but we don't know each other as well.

happy birthday, amber!

slightly disturbed over here.

ok, so i recommended that suzanne vega song (#1 on the playlist) because i thought it was a cute little beat and i just heard it above the sounds of starbucks.

it's totally about domestic violence.

i'm a little disturbed that such a happy sounding song is about such a heavy, scary issue.

so have a safe night. and ladies, hit 'em up style, if needed.

blaaah-ging from baaah-ston.

head over to the playlist for luka by suzanne vega. i just heard it y me gusta mucho.

so last night i took a flight to boston next to a couple who was clearly on their honeymoon. good thing you never stopped caressing each other, honeymooners, otherwise i would have thought you were only normal-person in love, but you are way more than that. so thanks for letting me know.

then when i was outside a recording studio on newberry street which for the record is the most charming street i've ever seen, a not-quite-as-charming woman told my client he would die in approximately one week. i wanted to get some pictures (of the street, not the lady) but the sun was in an awkward place.

so enough about me...how are you?

crackheaded family humor.

here's greeting card idea my dad and i had tonight.

on the front: a little mosquito told me you had west nile.

inside: sorry, that bites.

don't you wish you were us?

if this gets dented, my hair just ain’t gonna look right.

1. name that movie.
2. i’m off to salt lake for a weekend of non-stop, full tilt, in your face, all family time all the time channel, weekend. if you are looking for a time to rob my house, this might be your best bet.

heart you all. hardcore.

happy weekend.

xoxo
hollylynn

just do it ok? even i am.

invasion of the obama texts.

ok. i know that obama is the president of awesome.

but i signed up for his little text messaging thingy so i could be "THE FIRST TO KNOW!" when he picked a running mate.

well i didn't get a text then, but i have been getting them since. it's annoying. ever so slightly.

and there are no instructions for unsubscribe. what gives, obama?

image: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSBgGx2u_ArRsnyCSSKLtSiRMxKMWeeGQS-RSnu39EnA-uycPHeuygclz16fCZgZcPCGZ6ywijL5gaWXkK_M5YQg4We1nxRDrHjrQ2rJ4CTQe8uYJLXjrNiEUIpUavTMTfvhzb5REi87PP/s1600-h/untitled.bmp

a memo

to: my throat
re: that thing you've been doing

throat:

why have you been doing that thing? that throat thing. you know, the one that makes me sound like a smoker and clear my throat at the most inopportune times?

the rest of my body seems to be virtually mono-free, but you insist on hanging on to the sick.

how can i further support you in your quest for health? please advise.

best,
hollylynn

hollylynn
editor, president, founder and ceo
if i were really skinny enterprises

hop on over to the playlist for...

artist: little jackie

song: the stoop

i'm probably the nerdiest utah girl you've ever met, but somehow this song about brooklyn speaks to me. probably because it's about sitting on the porch eating chips. i don't know.

anyhoohah...what do you think?