a while ago, our friend joel mchale pointed out that one of those celebrity news shows (can’t remember which one) called specific attention to the fact that they wouldn’t be covering the octo-mom.
and then the next day, the same show reminded viewers about their stance to not report on the octo-mom.
i’m here to tell you that i will not be reporting on jon and kate gosselin.
i don’t want to discuss kate’s hair. i don’t want to talk about how unfortunate-looking it is and how i think she is trying to do some sort of pennsylvania-style posh spice thingy. i don’t want to talk about the fact that she thinks everyone wants her hair. i don’t want to talk about how it gets constantly spikier and blonder with each passing day. can you tell how much i don’t want to talk about it?
i don’t want to discuss jon’s affair. i don’t want to talk about how sloppy it is to have an affair with a young girl that doesn’t have the super-stealth skills to keep the whole thing under wraps, which sloppiness i can only assume is a ploy for a ratings spike. i don’t want to talk about how (again) sloppy it is to have a drunken snuggle-fest with said stealthless girl in utah where people freaking love jon & kate + eight. outside his own hometown, i’d venture to say that utah is the #1 place that someone like jon would be sure to be noticed, photographed, talked about extensively. can you tell how much i haven’t thought this out?
but most of all, i don’t want to discuss their “celebrity.” kate may have controversial hair, but she ain’t no lauren conrad, and she never will be. not even if she gets extensions. and you can quote me on that.
and then the next day, the same show reminded viewers about their stance to not report on the octo-mom.
i’m here to tell you that i will not be reporting on jon and kate gosselin.
i don’t want to discuss kate’s hair. i don’t want to talk about how unfortunate-looking it is and how i think she is trying to do some sort of pennsylvania-style posh spice thingy. i don’t want to talk about the fact that she thinks everyone wants her hair. i don’t want to talk about how it gets constantly spikier and blonder with each passing day. can you tell how much i don’t want to talk about it?
i don’t want to discuss jon’s affair. i don’t want to talk about how sloppy it is to have an affair with a young girl that doesn’t have the super-stealth skills to keep the whole thing under wraps, which sloppiness i can only assume is a ploy for a ratings spike. i don’t want to talk about how (again) sloppy it is to have a drunken snuggle-fest with said stealthless girl in utah where people freaking love jon & kate + eight. outside his own hometown, i’d venture to say that utah is the #1 place that someone like jon would be sure to be noticed, photographed, talked about extensively. can you tell how much i haven’t thought this out?
but most of all, i don’t want to discuss their “celebrity.” kate may have controversial hair, but she ain’t no lauren conrad, and she never will be. not even if she gets extensions. and you can quote me on that.
6 comments:
who're Jon & Kate? :) jk
In all my years of living in Pennsylvania, I have never seen a hairstyle like Kate's I don't think it's Pennsylvania-POSH at all. It's more like Pennsylvania-oh-my-GOSH-what-the-heck-is-she-thinking?
Amen to everything you have said. The thing that makes me the most frustrated with this situation is Jon's sloppiness. It is like he had to do something to get out of the marriage instead of just saying, "I'm done." I just think it was not well played. And in response, Kate's declaration that she is now a celebrity and has terrific hair is sort of disturbing. I guess everyone reacts to bad news in different ways. I have a very strict no reshaping eyebrows or haircuts rule after a breakup or emotional instability. That is only excuse I can think of for that hair.
What I don't want to talk about is how Jon pierced both ears like he's a freakin' rapper and is so excited about how he's only 32 years old and there's so much life ahead of him. I don't want to talk about the whole book I could write on what went wrong there. And I don't want to talk about that hair because I had that cut in 2002 by accident and it didn't make me fabulous.
As your favorite aunt and a hairstylist I thank you for the comments on Kates hair. Kate is a hot mess yes but the person to blame in all of this is the hairstylist. Who is she and has she ever heard of a little texture?
And Jon, where to begin? Diamond studs really? 32, uneducated and you have a lot of options?
I do love me some US weekly but please NO MORE PLEASE!
Hilarious. I love you.
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