Another open letter, this one to the middle-aged moms who tell me to "enjoy every minute" or that "it gets better" when I'm wrangling two toddlers across a busy parking lot trying to not get anyone killed.

Prompted by a recent experience and this article. 

Dear Experienced Mom,

Thanks for your concern that I have to assume comes from a place of love. 

But...two things.

First of all, you are undoubtedly looking at the past with rose-colored glasses. I'm sure that the time you had at home with your (singular, mind you) toddler was really special. I am already mourning my time like this with Jameson, even as it happens, because I know it will end quickly. It's a special age. But I'm also sure you had your share of grocery store trips that pushed you to the brink of insanity. I'm sure your son peed all over the carpet and then poured a box of Cheerios and a bottle of pancake syrup all over the kitchen floor, and that hearts were not shooting out of your eyes in those moments. We don't remember those things. We remember the good things, and the non-happy memories get fuzzy and pushed to the back (or we laugh about them - later), because the hard days aren't what it's about. (Hello, why else would any woman ever give birth twice?)

Secondly, it IS about enjoying your children and I do think that even the most stressed-looking moms are doing just that. Judging how a mom is acting when she's out in public, trying to get things done while a little person is throwing a tantrum and she has no time to herself, like ever, is not a good measurement of how much a woman loves motherhood or enjoys her kids. In those quiet, normal moments at home, even when the kids are being crazy but you know they are safe and contained, or in those moments when you see their eyes light up because they just learned something new or in those moments when they say, "hey Mom, look at this!" and they can hardly wait to show/tell/share something with you...those are the ones you remember. 

So, that's why it irks me a little when moms with older kids tell me to enjoy it. It feels a little patronizing, because you don't know me and you don't know that I AM enjoying it, even if this trip to Kohl's was a little more exciting than I would prefer. Yeah, I am not cherishing the moment when my child runs hog wild into the middle of the street. I'm trying to get stuff done and keep the kids alive. Later, we'll go home and eat lunch together and make silly faces, then we'll read a book and he'll give me a hug and invent a funny dance, and I'll look a lot more like someone who is enjoying it. 

Enjoy every moment of talking to your pre-teen about the naughty internet searches you found on the family laptop. I'll take the public meltdowns while I can get them.

Love,

Young Moms Who Love Their Kids