And now, mysteries of the human condition.

I feel it important to tell you that this weekend I had the best steak of my life. I don’t know what kind it was and I don’t really know the specifics of how it was prepared. I just know that I ate it and it was great.

It was while I sautéed the onions to top said steak with that I began to ponder one of the most complicated relationships in life.

I speak, of course, of the relationship between humans and onions.

If I were Stephen Colbert, I would put onions on notice.

This relationship is never ending dysfunction at its finest. Have you considered this? Chopping a raw onion makes me (and everyone else I know) bawl like a baby, meaning that any day with onions involved is a total waste of makeup. My eyes sting, my mascara runs down my cheeks Lauren Conrad style, and everyone looks at me like I’m crazy even though I KNOW the same thing happens to them when they chop onions.

And then, for some reason, after the chopping (and usually cooking), I ingest these hurtful things. For the rest of the day, even if I brush my teeth afterwards, onion is on my breath. The scent on my hands lasts even longer. I wonder if the pain was really worth it, but not for long enough to prevent future onion consumption.

Onions are vicious to us all, yet we continue to tolerate them, even take them into our bodies. Why do we love this thing that hurts us so? It is one of life's great mysteries.