Today I read this oh-so-illuminating post by Paige about how old (but well-preserved) she is. It never ceases to amaze me how enthralled the younger crowds in Provo and Rexburg (the Church school kids) are with “older” people in their midst.
Never mind that the “older” people usually have about five years on them, tops.
Never mind that marveling at the “older” people just makes you look even younger, where “younger” equals “kind of stupid.”
I remember my last year at BYU-Idaho, briefly meeting this spunky freshman boy at some campus function, then running into him again at the ticket kiosk, probably buying tickets for my graduation luncheon.
Boy: Hey, I know you!
Me: Oh, hi there.
Boy: What are you buying tickets for? We’re buying tickets for Guitars Unplugged!!!
Me: I’m getting some graduation luncheon tickets.
Boy: What?
Me: Yeah, when you graduate, there’s a luncheon and you hav-
Boy: You’re graduating?? Are you married?
Me: Yeah, I am. No, I’m not married.
Boy: What?
Me: Is that weird?
Boy: (looks concerned) You’re graduating single, wow. And what are you going to DO?! I mean you’re like..21 or something?
Me: 22. Uh…move away from here and start building my career.
Boy: Huh.
Then just two short years later, I was at a party in the much older and more sophisticated Provo, Utah, home of the Cougs (Go Cougs, I guess). Hannah and I were talking to an interesting boy who programs computer software and wears ironic t-shirts, and I noticed a clinger to my left.
You know, one who clings. Someone who just kind of shimmies into your group of people, kind of lurking for an awkward amount of time until they have something to say, and you would have greeted them if it weren’t for the fact that they sashayed up to surreptitiously that you didn’t really even notice they were there? So each person in the cluster looks either creepy or rude?
Anyway, the boy with the ironic t-shirt says to Hannah and me, “let me guess your ages. I’m really good at this.”
We let him, while saying to each other with just our eyes, “this oughta be good.”
He starts with me. He examines my face. He asks me to smile. He looks at my hands. He says, “24.”
Does the same with Hannah and pronounces, “and you’re 23.”
He was right on both counts. We ask him how old he is. He is 25, if memory serves.
Anyway, the clinger sees her moment to shine and win friends and influence people, looking at me starry-eyed, saying, “you’re 24? Wow, I wouldn’t have guessed. You look really good.”
It was as if I’d told her I was 56, blending in at this college party without raising any eyebrows.
I smiled and thanked her.
She will learn.
She was 19. I didn’t ask; I can just tell these things.
11 comments:
You should be a teacher. They always guess 19. Kids are smart that way
Hahahahaha! I didn't realize "graduating single" had its own term to match the stigma. Way to enlighten little Guitar Hero boy.
I was a graduating single. And I've still managed to have a good life. :)
i swear. these things only happen in provo/rexburg. who are these people? i seriously don't think i can talk to girls under the age of 21 anymore.
this is kind of creepy, but i met your friend jacque last week...we had dinner tonight. she is fabulous. the creepy part is that we talked about you a little bit hehe. and I have a gap/br/piperlime, etc friends/fam discount to give to you.
but stories like this are the creepiest!!!
xo
Hate to say it but they happen up Northward as well, and come out of the mouths of non LDS infants. I am in grad school currently and intern at a community college in the disability support services office. The work study girl is 18 and we were discussing college and the topic of age arose. She asked how old I was and when I responded with 24 but I turn 25 next month she looked like she was going to have a stroke. Gasps, dropped jaw, and the utterances of wow you don't look THAT OLD were all sputtered from her mouth when she came to. Well heavens child I am nearly done with a 60 credit masters degree how old did you expect me to be?!? At least I know how to find a book in the library without having to ask the librarian what the dewey decimal system is.
On the bright side ladies we don't have to lug around an umbilical cord with us, I suppose boys find the appeal in it because it is like a leash for their pets...
Holls..! You are such a great writer... you make me laugh! I MISS YOU! and my pumpkin cookies....
Brilliant.
What's crazy is that they don't realize they just said something stupid. I think we all need to start carrying around business cards that say, "You just stuck your foot in your mouth. Have a nice day!"
Because otherwise, history is bound to repeat itself.
And what happens when these people hit the dreaded 25? Are they going to start complaining about back problems and their receding hairline?
Right before I got married, my soon-to-be sister-in-law said something to me like "well, at least you guys won't have to worry about having kids." She is like 5 years older than I am and was pregnant at the time, so I said "what do you mean by that?" And she said "you guys are getting married so late in life!" Um, last time I checked, 30 is not "so late in life," but I guess she thinks since she got married at 18 that we're really old.
Why are people so awkward? When I was 24 I had an older lady ask me how old I was and if I was married and said "Don't worry... I didn't get married until I was 24". I wasn't worried... should I be? Gosh!
You are about to hear a story about my life and coming to terms with my age. The scene: Edinburgh Scotland. The Malt Shovel-pub. The characters: two twenty year old flatmates. The Date: September 14th, my 25th birthday.
The Conversation: Em (one of the aforementioned 20 year olds) was relating a story about her study abroad in Spain. Her exact words, "Yeah, I really got along well with this older lady who lived in our pension. She was cool." So when I hear older, I of course think sixties, golden girls, gray haired ladies with tiny glasses and flashy pink lipstick. I inquired how old her friend was.... the answer "Twenty-five."
Oh, Holls... we were such aliens when we graduated single, weren't we? And we were hanging out with our gay BFF, too. How wrong of us. Will we ever amount to anything?
*wink*
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