Another open letter, this one to the middle-aged moms who tell me to "enjoy every minute" or that "it gets better" when I'm wrangling two toddlers across a busy parking lot trying to not get anyone killed.

Prompted by a recent experience and this article. 

Dear Experienced Mom,

Thanks for your concern that I have to assume comes from a place of love. 

But...two things.

First of all, you are undoubtedly looking at the past with rose-colored glasses. I'm sure that the time you had at home with your (singular, mind you) toddler was really special. I am already mourning my time like this with Jameson, even as it happens, because I know it will end quickly. It's a special age. But I'm also sure you had your share of grocery store trips that pushed you to the brink of insanity. I'm sure your son peed all over the carpet and then poured a box of Cheerios and a bottle of pancake syrup all over the kitchen floor, and that hearts were not shooting out of your eyes in those moments. We don't remember those things. We remember the good things, and the non-happy memories get fuzzy and pushed to the back (or we laugh about them - later), because the hard days aren't what it's about. (Hello, why else would any woman ever give birth twice?)

Secondly, it IS about enjoying your children and I do think that even the most stressed-looking moms are doing just that. Judging how a mom is acting when she's out in public, trying to get things done while a little person is throwing a tantrum and she has no time to herself, like ever, is not a good measurement of how much a woman loves motherhood or enjoys her kids. In those quiet, normal moments at home, even when the kids are being crazy but you know they are safe and contained, or in those moments when you see their eyes light up because they just learned something new or in those moments when they say, "hey Mom, look at this!" and they can hardly wait to show/tell/share something with you...those are the ones you remember. 

So, that's why it irks me a little when moms with older kids tell me to enjoy it. It feels a little patronizing, because you don't know me and you don't know that I AM enjoying it, even if this trip to Kohl's was a little more exciting than I would prefer. Yeah, I am not cherishing the moment when my child runs hog wild into the middle of the street. I'm trying to get stuff done and keep the kids alive. Later, we'll go home and eat lunch together and make silly faces, then we'll read a book and he'll give me a hug and invent a funny dance, and I'll look a lot more like someone who is enjoying it. 

Enjoy every moment of talking to your pre-teen about the naughty internet searches you found on the family laptop. I'll take the public meltdowns while I can get them.

Love,

Young Moms Who Love Their Kids

An open letter to my hypothetical daughter on why I will not call her "Princess."

Dear Harper,

I want to tell you something now. I know that you may never exist, but I feel like I need to get it out.

I need to break it to you: I won't be calling you Princess.

Yes, I know I can't control what you are interested in. I know. Your brother Jameson, now 2 1/2, loves BYU basketball and won't root for anyone else. ("Say 'go Utes!'" "No, just BYU.") This inspires so many deep sighs and so much time spent wondering how I will break it to your grandpa. So I know you might be a big Disney princess fan. And that is okay.

Secondly, I know that you actually are a princess, because you are the spirit daughter of a king, meaning God. And so is every other girl and woman IN THE WORLD. This does make you valuable, but it also makes everyone else on earth just as valuable.

It all happened when I read this article in Forbes. Giving girls strictly appearance-focused compliments and telling them what special princesses they are has always bothered me, but mostly because I feel awkward when unattractive children are told they're beautiful. Call me mean, but why lie? Why not just find some other stuff they're good at and give genuine compliments? Why is being beautiful the most important thing?

But the more I think about it, the more I realize, yes, doing this would actually damage your future. I'm not talking about allowing your to watch Tangled or play with Cinderella dolls. I'm talking about telling you that you ARE one of those characters.

Think about what a princess is portrayed as in these stories:

1. The most beautiful
2. More important than everyone else
3. Rules an entire kingdom
4. Is given everything without working, suffering, or going without

Can we now debunk those, one by one?

Firstly, a princess is the most beautiful. (Have you seen actual princesses? Not true.) Even if I believe that you are the most beautiful, (and what parents doesn't believe their children are the most beautiful, let's be honest) what a little bitty will you be when you get to school and start telling everyone you're the prettiest and acting like you're the prettiest? You have seen the little girls that look up at an adult just expecting that compliment about how adorable they are. It's not their fault. The world has been programming these little divas for generations and it needs to stop. We adults do hold some power.

Secondly, a princess is more important than everyone else. This is inherently flawed. First of all, a real princess serves her subjects. But as it concerns you, read this. I think it's very healthy for parents to tell their children that they are special...TO THEM. And I'll be doing that plenty. But no kid should be raised with the mentality that she is more special or important than anyone else. Hello entitled, hello inability to deal with rejection or failure, hello inability to make friends.

Thirdly, a princess rules an entire kingdom. Girl, you do not rule here in my house. Heck, this is not even a democracy. Sure, you're my child, I love you, and I want to hear about your thoughts and concerns and wishes and hopes. I do. They will be taken into consideration and validated. You will feel safe and heard. But you do not get a vote. I get a vote. Your dad gets a vote. The end. If it's more important to Dad than it is to me, he might get two votes. But regardless, there are only two people voting here, and you are not one of them.

Fourth, is given everything without working, suffering, or going without. I want you to be feel like you can achieve what you want, but I think my generation got pushed a little too hard toward this confidence. So far, in fact, that we overshot a little bit and were made to think we deserved, say, a high paying job with a company-paid iPhone right out of college, where we earned some history degree or something because it was our "passion," giving no thought for what would actually earn us a living, and no requirement to pay back our student loans. We've got these problems because our parents made us this way. They told us we were the prettiest princesses ever and also the most special and that we could have anything we want. But we can't! We just can't. So I hope that as parents, my generation can do a better job of keeping your feet on the ground. You'll work for your allowance to buy that toy. You'll do chores. Learn basic life skills. Be responsible for your stuff. Understand the disappointment of not being able to have everything you want, and learn to be okay with that.

I tell you this because I want to give you the skills and confidence to be self-reliant, to have perseverance, to try new things and to love and serve others - all beautiful traits - because I know you are strong and special (just like everyone else) and a loved daughter of God.

I hope to meet you in the coming years. Your brothers will love you, but beware, they show their love by wrestling and head-butting. You'll develop a thick skin at a young age. Your dad and I will love you. You'll have daddy-daughter dates. We'll bake together, do our nails together. There are lots of hugs and kisses in our house. Lots of playing and lots of laughing. You'll love it here, and we will love you! But we won't call you Princess. I hope that works for you, cuz that's how I roll.

Love,
Mom

Jamerisms II

After holding up half a bell pepper at his request, "*gasp* It's his nose!"

At the reminder that Grandpa was coming and he was going to get ice cream, "I love ice cream!" With his hands high in the air while sitting in a shopping cart.

While camping in our tent in the family room and trying to remember the word for sleeping bag, "I get in my blankie box and go to sleep."

Upon receiving his freshly laundered blanket after a puking spell, "*gasp, did you wash it off?!"

He loves Buzz, still. "Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!"

Growing impatient of Blake hogging the swing, and wanting a turn, "he wants to get down."

Running out to a 5-ish year old boy on his power wheel in the street, "hey little guy, are you riding that truck?!"

At the grocery store when an older man was walking our direction down the aisle, J: Look out, little guy! Me: He's not a little guy, he's a man. J: Watch out little man! Watch out! I'll catch you!

Seeing me carrying paint and supplies into the house: "Is that for painting? Are you excited for painting?"

"Mommy, where are my green shoes?" So much expression, inflection, perfect enunciation. 

Mark and I excited to see Pineview Reservoir and trying to get Jameson pumped up: "Calm down, guys."

First words as he wakes up at our family reunion: "I eat candy, watch Lego Movie! Does that sounds good?"

"Did you got your ____?" This is how he makes conversation. He sees you holding/wearing/using something and just fills in the blank with that object.

In his car seat with his blanket over his head, "look, I'm hiding!"

Trying to stall bedtime, "first Wreck it Ralph, then Curious George."

Holly: Jameson, what's Daddy's name? Jameson: Mark! Blake, what's Mommy's name?"

"It's 'bout called _____." To tell us the name of anything.

"That be fun?" Whenever proposing an idea.

Suddenly, as we carried on a conversation in the car, "don't talk to me."

Both boys were drinking bath water with bubbles all over their mouths. Mark: Don't drink the bath water. You'll get diarrhea Do you WANT diarrhea? Jameson, taking another sip: I want diarrhea!

"Can you come outside wif me?" "Can we do it togever?" EVERYTHING. Playing outside, eating lunch, running in circles, etc.

I hosted bunco last week, and when Jameson saw his primary teacher coming up the front steps, he let out one long, shrill screech while running around in circles.

Every time he sees camping gear in the garage: "That's for camping with Daddy." He went on the father-son campout with Mark a couple months ago and still talks about it.
When I was wearing my floral apron: "Did you got your bib on? Does it have weeds and grapes on your bib?"
Excited about going to the museum with Dad: "And you take your bib off and get in the car! And we go to the party with Mommy! With my blanket and my sandwich!"
Holly: I love you boys, but at 7:30, I'm ready to clock out. Jameson: I want to clock out, too! I want to clock out with you!

Jamerisms

Jameson's getting to the age where I need to start writing down the funny things he says. Here are a couple:

The other night, Jameson flushed the toilet while Mark was helping him brush his teeth. Mark told Jameson to stop doing that because it wastes water. Jameson said, "It's not water, it's bathroom!"

A couple weeks ago, we were grocery shopping and I put a can of cashews in the cart, noting that they were for Daddy. "Daddy's nuts!" Jameson exclaimed.

On Sunday I was putting tights on, getting ready for church. Jameson stroked my shin and said, "it's handsome."

He is a bossy kid. Tonight he told Mark, "no dance."

He steps on the scale, looks down and says, "46 dollars!" Then, "you try too, Mommy." I'd rather not, thanks.

He is a hungry kid. He asks for snacks immediately after a meal. He asks for birthday cake pretty much every day. (boyday cake)

He is speaking in sentences now, even though it takes him a while to get through it sometimes. The other day at the park, he went down the slide, then said to Mark, "you go slide too, Daddy." Kind of stammering.

He is also learning his letters! I was quizzing him with some lettered blocks and I was so impressed with his retention. He has a puzzle that spells his name, and he knows those letters, but he also knows X, and any letter that has a long "e" sound, he calls "e." I think he can't quite hear the difference between them yet, but he will mimic the correct pronunciation when I correct him.

He tells Blake to calm down, and to stop whining. Like I said, bossy.

He likes makeup. He digs in mine all the time, sometimes successfully applying lip liner or eye shadow in broad sweeping motions on his cheek. He is almost always upset when I wash it off.

We're trying to get him to stop sucking his thumb. It's slow.

He sings Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star and is learning the ABC song.

Any up-tempo party song is "BYU basaketball music." He loves going to basketball games, and loves BYU. Sometimes when he's up in his bed (in time-out for hitting Blake, mostly), I hear him shouting "B.....Y.....U!" We try to get him to cheer for Utah and Utah State, but about half the time he'll respond, "just BYU."

He almost always says thank you. His please skills are slipping, so we're working on that.

He recognizes Conrad's house when we drive by, even if we aren't stopping.

He gives big hugs.

He tells Blake he's sorry when he pushes him down, throws toys at his face, or slams his head into the wall (although with how often he does these things, I doubt these are sincere apologies).

He likes Buzz Lightyear and will offhandedly mention to me that Buzz is stationed in Sector 4.

During breakfast, he likes to say "hi" to everything. "hello table, hello clock, hello bird, hello light," etc. Waving at everything.

He has a 100% success rate at hearing the garbage truck outside and hearing a plane fly overhead.

He is an encouraging kid. He says things like, "you can do it, Mommy!"

He gets frustrated, stopping on the stairs to hold his hand to his forehead and exasperatedly say, "holy crap."

Since Christmas

January was a blur, just like every other month. Well, let's back up a little because this post will include Christmas. By way of update, Jameson has two of his 2-year molars. I always blame his temper tantrums on the other two coming in, but let's be honest, the kid's two and emotional meltdowns are par for the course.

The boys are loving each other a little more. They make each other laugh, which is adorable. And then sometimes Jameson repeatedly rams his metal Tonka truck into Blake's head, for which some reason Blake doesn't like.

Yesterday I was getting dinner ready. Blake was napping in his crib, but I wanted him to wake up soon, so the door was open. I heard Jameson laughing, so I went to see what was going on. I sneaked in as stealthily as I could because I suspected I was going to walk in on something that would melt my mommy heart. What I saw kind of alarmed and impressed me. Jameson had used the glider to climb into Blake's crib, and he had somehow brought with him a truck or two. Jameson was jumping and laughing and talking to Blake, and Blake was unharmed and appeared happy. I didn't really want to encourage Jameson climbing on the furniture like that, I mean he could have really gotten hurt if he fell just right, but I was so curious that I asked him to show me how he did it. He tried to repeat it, but kept falling. It was just a lucky moment, I guess!

Jameson has started having play dates with other kids in the neighborhood. It is so cute to watch. He was playing with a neighbor girl at our house on Thursday, and I couldn't believe how well they interacted. They galloped around the house side by side, counting to ten, then stood on the coffee table, jumping around in circles counting to ten, then took turns trying on a hat.

Blake sits up now! He is also starting to get really grabby. He's more interested in toys and reaching for whatever he can get his hands on. He also screams like a pterodactyl. I see his two bottom teeth starting to come in, which could take a couple more months. He is a really happy baby. He still isn't sleeping through the night. Last week, he actually did it three nights in a row, but now he's getting up three times a night again. He sucks his thumb and still likes to snuggle.

"Hiiiii, brother." Wearing the cute matching jammies from my parents.

Both smiling - this is truly a miracle.

Jameson got the Little People Zoo from Santa Claus. It was a hit! Here he holds the androgynous Guatemalan zookeeper. (That sounded racist.)

The day before Christmas Eve, we got the boys' pictures taken at Penney's. It went amazingly well, despite the melancholy that Jameson demonstrates here. And about that thumb sucking...yes...we are working on it.

Blake sits up as of January 28th. He thinks he's hot stuff, and he's right.

Five months old! He loves his monkey. I find him sleeping on his side with his face smashed into the monkey's belly.

"Uh-oh, kisses?" Jameson has learned that a kiss from Mom makes owies feel better, and he takes advantage of it often. Sometimes asking for "another one?" if one kiss didn't help.

I was trying to take a picture of Blake playing in his exersaucer, when...

...Jameson wanted in on the action, so we took a selfie with my phone's super blurry front-cam.

My mom knitted this adorable, soft blanket for Jameson. It came in the mail when J was sleeping, so Blake tried it out. He approves.

"Sit on chair, take picture?" Well, how could I resist?

This is what you get when you try to get the LaRocco boys to take a photo with Santa.

The circa New Years' Day timeframe when I realize, "oh, I should have taken a picture of them in front of the Christmas tree!"

Baker, 4 Months

This little chunk is four months old. He gets fatter every day.

Blake had his first haircut last month. For fear of repeating Jameson's wispy toupee, we cut it early and won't be afraid to do it again when he needs it!

Baker is trying really hard to blow raspberries lately. He is very vocal, squealing, laughing, yelling and cooing and spitting.

He gets ticklish when I change his clothes.

He rolls back to tummy allll the time. He is definitely a middle child already (no that's not an announcement) because though he's been rolling for a couple months, we only saw it actually happen a couple of weeks ago. Sorry, B! Today was the first time (that I know of) that he rolled tummy to back.

His favorite things are kicking around on the ground on a blanket and taking naps on our bed.

I love this little cherub! Muah!

Hello, horsey.

Tolerating the bumbo.

He likes to grab his toes.

Pre haircut.

Post-haircut. His eyes look so sleepy. That haircut must have taken a lot out of the poor kid.

Me and my brother.

I try so hard to blow raspberries!

Where I take my best naps.

Good morning!

So sleepy. I love his chubby little hands here.

My December Baby Turns 2

This kid loves getting sick around his birthday (I mean, so far). Last year, he puked for like a week. This time, it went a little something like this:

Day 1: puke for four hours, then immediately act normal and eat everything in sight.
Days 2-10: mysterious rash, sleepy
Day 11: fever and lethargy
Days 12-16: whines a lot. Asks to take naps

Luckily, by day 17 he was all good.

I have lots of pictures! So here is the past couple months in the life of Jameson, in no particular order.

Super cooperative for pictures, as always. The boy loves juice and demands it, along with "crackers in a bowl" pretty much constantly. I tell him to ask nicely, and he says, in a high pitched vioce, "say please, crackers! say please, juice!"

This is pretty much the only way I get a smiling picture of the Jamer. Laughing because he's running away.

Day 11 fever. I fixed him up a comfy spot on the couch, carefully covering the whole couch surface in case of puke, and he watched Cars in its entirety, three times.

The birthday party. This is pretty much what I saw the entire present opening time. The back of this excited boy's head, surrounded by equally excited cousins!

The cake! Jameson likes cars, a lot! And trucks! Every truck is a "big truck" to him, so I copied this concept from Pinterest and one of my aunts. It was a hit.

On December 3, we got tons of snow. Tons! He asked me to go outside, so I spent about 10 minutes getting him all geared up. As soon as I opened the door and the wind caught that sweet little face, he was too cold and wouldn't go out.

Watching airplanes! We took the boys on their first plan ride to visit my parents in Washington. Jameson was a holy terror on the plane, but was very sweet for this moment. Yes, he is wearing a toddler leash. Judge if you must; we really don't care.

J loves playing with any ball. He is pretty good about knowing the difference between a basketball, soccer ball and football, but every small ball, even Christmas tree ornaments, is a golf ball. Here he is with one of his "golf balls."

"Put on glasses?" "Dinosaur shirt?" 

See how well they tolerate each other? I love this one with their matching outfits!

Recent Jamerisms:

Upon flipping over his coloring page from nursery to reveal several pictures of the Savior, he exclaimed "there it is! Found Jesus!" Already saved at so young an age. ;)

Upon being offered soup for lunch, pointing to the stairs (I keep the soup in the basement storage room) saying, "go get soup. Go get it. Go ahead."

After waking up from a nap and finding the Christmas tree lit up, Jameson told me that the tree was handsome and that I did a good job.

After Mark performed in the ward Christmas Choir, Jameson yelled "good job!" into the after-song silence in church.

A couple times over the past week, he has burst out in song, singing the birthday song.

To him, every cake, muffin and pastry is birthday cake. And he wants "moy" of it.

Jameson loves to count, somewhat out of order, likes doing puzzles, likes big trucks, loves shooting hoops (encouraging himself with things like "almost" and "try again" when he misses), tickling Blake's toes, and telling me what color things are (almost always incorrectly).