i’m kind of old.

when did you stop thinking in semesters?

today i had some paperwork to sign for my apartment, so i went in to the property manager’s office to get ‘er done (yeah i just said that). he told me that lots of people are trying to get out of their leases right now, and that this is the worst time of the year to find new renters because the semester just started.

i live in a place with lots of single working people, but i rarely meet a student. do these working people stay in semester mode for a freakishly long time, or is my neighborhood crawling with students and i don’t realize it? maybe i’m distancing myself from them all in some subconscious effort to suppress painful college memories of the best friends i’ve ever had, my whole life ahead of me and the world at my feet…

anyhooha, it made me realize that i don’t even think in semesters anymore.

i guess i’m all grown up now.

you reach a point

when you no longer have the stamina to be "cool."

when you realize you like a lot of different things, and that's ok.

when proving to other people that you are unique and fabulous ceases to be a priority.

when you get over being right and instead become interested in being happy.

what is that point? i like to think that it doesn't come from the world beating you into the ground until you can no longer hold your head up, but from growing up a little and learning to accept some things in life. but i could be wrong (but i'm usually not wrong).

at some point, i think a person needs to give up being stuck up about her own brand and showing the world what a special individual she truly is, and instead decide to be happy and therefore, surround herself with other people who also want to be happy. decide to appreciate things and people for what/who they are even if they aren't her style.

we hold hands and love each other.

wait a minute, damn hippies.

all i'm saying is: think about it.

all the things that make us stand apart from the crowd are like sprinkles on a cupcake. while they're novel decoration and disguise the outside of the cupcake, they add nothing to the integrity or structure to the cake or icing, usually don't taste like anything and more often than not, get stuck in your teeth.

sprinkles may draw you to the dessert initially, but when you're in the thick of dense cake and rich buttercream, you start thinking, "sprinkles who?"

just like you forget about your neighbor's love for summer scarves and affinity for red nail polish. or whatever. you forget about all that after she drives you to the emergency room or brings you the us weekly after she reads it or listens to you jabber about how much you miss your mom.

i don't know what my point is here. do you?

here's one for you...

do you ever sit there eating chips, watching ace of cakes at 11pm on a thursday and realize:

1. you need to post, stat, or your followers will start dropping like flies
2. chips aren't a part of your 2009 diet and any caloric intake at 11pm is just plain masochism
3. you missed all your shows this week and now you have to watch them online on top of all the other stuff you've got going on during your very busy stay-cation?

i'm telling you right now, it's a heavy feeling. i don't really recommend it.

so here i am. posting. slowing down with the chips a bit. getting giddy about my impending gossip girl/one tree hill/kath and kim/30 rock extravaganza.

but, i actually do have a point (there's a first time for everything). it came to me as i sat watching the new year's day special on pbs with my grandparents. they have been watching this special, hosted this year by the lovely julie andrews, for the past 25 years.

amid the strauss polkas and ballet dances of this year's vienna festivities, ms. andrews wished the viewers a happy new year and encouraged us to take heart and be of good cheer.

i like that attitude, and it reminded me of a quote from gordon b. hinckley that i hope to keep more front-of-mind in 2009:

go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart. love life and look for its opportunities.

i think that about sums it up.

happy new year!

and thanks, erin, for reminding me of the quote every time i read your blog.

i know.

i know that expending hours and hours and dollars and dollars trying with your might to make your apartment look like a pottery barn ad is fundamentally sick.

but i want it so. every day pottery barn emails me their sales and i stare lovingly at the glossy, fabulous, preppy/rustic décor and i don’t buy any of it. and then i think about how i can do it on the cheap by making things/buying stuff at target.

i would absolutely adore an old trunk to sit my living room tv on. adore. but alas, i have a $19.99 bachelor-pad-of-the-90s build-it-yourself stand that i inherited from an old roommate. hideously ugly but does the job.

if i were really skinny i would sit with my perrier on my khaki couch in front of my hurricanes and tower candles sitting on the distressed red coffee table, thinking about my monogrammed towels and antique hardware in the bathroom 20 feet away and basking in the glow of my favorite j.crew cardigan and my perfect red lipstick.

the room would probably smell like green tea or lemongrass or (who are we kidding) the fresh peonies on the side table.

doesn’t that sound nice?

are you ‘that girl?’

you know, the last donut girl? doesn’t have to be a donut. the last piece of cake from the office birthday party, the last bagel from the planning meeting, the last bite from the tres leches you’re sharing with someone at café rio…you know. that girl.

i’ve found that there are two types of people in this world: the kind of people who will take the last donut and the kind of people who won’t. i never thought about which one i was. i like to think i’m pretty assertive and i can get in there and take whatever i want, but i’m more timid than i like to think, i think.

i once shared a dessert with my friend lauren who said to me bluntly when we were down to just a little bit left, “i want you to know that i’m not afraid to take the last bite.”

i let her.

lately in celebration of national “eat 600 more calories each day than you normally do” month, we had donuts at the office. in a mid-afternoon sugar flatline, i went back to see if there were any left in the break room.

there was one.

i stuck with my diet coke.

riddle me this.

so everyone, thanks for your support of the first installment of hollylynn says. the segment needs better branding - i get that. but it was good times, yes?

people seemed to like it.

some people hated it.

hated it, i tell you. and they were too scared to comment. work up that nerve, haters. i'd love to hear a little (respectful) dissenting opinion once in a while here on my little blog.

speaking of hate...how OVER the hills are you by now? 89%? 92%? i don't know why i didn't realize this before, but this is heidi's mad face:

thanks i*heart*you for the photo.

seriously...freaking DUMP SPENCER already.

although the expression kind of reminds me of what chuck bass said after he walked in on his dad and lily van der woodsen having a "business discussion":

"not much future as an actress."

so, do you prefer lead to ink?

was a question i was asked after coming back to my desk after sharpening all five (5) pencils i have at my workstation. i have been at my job a year and a half and have yet to sharpen a pencil. i even had to ask beckie if we had a pencil sharpener in the office.

i like writing with a pencil to scribble notes on the fly – my action items from a meeting, for example.

i don’t know why.

a shrink might say it stems back to my love for tom hanks and my hope that he would send me a bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils.

i associate the good old fashioned pencil with school (when it was fun, learning cursive and times tables…or maybe it was just the new school clothes), freshly fallen leaves, preppy scarves, tights with boots, daylight savings, caramel apples (have you had one yet this year? i have, and it was delightful) and my birthday.

speaking of which, what are you getting me for my birthday?

do you ever just feel

like you're in a glass case of emotion?

but you know, in a good way.

memories...

last night i was listening to my trusty internet radio station when the cranberries came on. linger, to be specific (on the playlist to the right. i've taken a page from jocelyn's book and alphabetized by artist).

it brought back several specific memories, including but not limited to:

sun ripened raspberry body splash from bath & body works.
shopping at contempo.
sixth grade - specifically having to change into uniforms for p.e. - i think the body splash made me think of this actually...
clueless.
the purple crushed velvet dress i bought at 5.7.9 to wear to my first school dance. i wish i still had that smokin frock...

don't you love how a song can do that?

well, all right.

first of all, did you know that 'all right' is ALWAYS two words and that under no circumstances is it correct to use 'alright' ever ever ever?

you know now.

second of all, i thought i'd tell you all what i think about barack obama. i bet my opinion is the first you've seen all day!!! yep, i have lots of original thoughts.

when brian williams told me that obama had won, and by a landslide at that, it was an emotional moment for me. i couldn't put my finger on what it was. i mean there is the obvious historical significance and the strides our country has made that the election has made evident and the fact that these times are so freakin depressing we'll all pretty much cry at the drop of a hat. but as i've talked to some people and listened to some npr and read some good blogs, these are some impressions:

1. the sheer number of votes obama received makes me satisfied that he is indeed what the country wants. in the past two elections, i never really felt like bush "won" as much as gore and kerry had just lost. if that makes any sense. no real majority ever really backed bush the way they backed obama yesterday.

2. obama's victory shows america's preference of hope over fear. i find that quite inspiring.

3. obama has a huge task to live up to all the hope we've placed in him.

4. let's back this guy up. shark bait referenced this bob lonsberry (who i've never heard of - is that bad?) quote and i agree:

Those who didn't vote for Barack Obama must set a higher standard of civility and citizenship than those who didn't vote for George W. Bush. In defeat, there must still be nobility.The last eight years have taught us what happens when you set out to destroy a presidency for political gain. You help your candidate, but you hurt your country. That pattern must not be followed with this new president. America must treat Barack Obama better than he treated George W. Bush.

did anyone else get the warm fuzzies?

seriously?

i voted today. wahoo!

since i haven't voted in oh such a long time (i know, bad me) i couldn't remember what i needed. i asked becky:

"hey, do i just need my drivers license?"
"actually, they didn't ask for mine."

JIGGA WHAT?

i told hannah:

"they didn't ask for becky's i.d. when she voted."
"huh...yeah, they didn't ask for mine either."

YOU DON'T SAY.

i told becky:

"they didn't ask for hannah's either! isn't that kind of messed up?"
"yeah for real. for all we know, hollylynn's ballot has already been cast."

i knew she was making fun of me a little bit but i really wondered why they weren't checking for identification. i mean...right?! shouldn't they?

becky helped me formulate this plan that i would go and not take out my drivers license (she and hannah both had theirs in their hands when they approached the poll workers) and then when they didn't ask for it, prompt, "oh, don't you want to see my i.d.?"

good, huh? that'll make them straighten up and fly right. this is the american democratic process! do it right!

so i did. and they said, "nope. go over there to an open machine. thanks."

of course i always assume the worst. the first thing that flashed into my mind is chuck bass paying that red haired girl to take the SAT for serena when she was passed out from that roofie that georgina gave her.

but anyway, does anyone know why they wouldn't ask for identification? does that seem strange to anyone other than me?

some things i loved about hsm.

first of all, whenever someone says "hsm," i immediately think "hsn" and then i want to say,

"i don't take you to be the kind of person that buys stuff off of tv."

not that i'm judging. so i hope you don't judge me for watching high school musical 3.

you know, i smiled. i tapped my toe. we shared a few laughs. here's my top 10 list of stand out moments from this fine flick:

10. i'm (still) pleased as punch to no longer be a high school student.

9. zac efron and corbin bleu dancing in a junk yard like janet jackson.

8. you would think that with the money this movie is making, they could have given sharpay a more believable weave...just as a show of good faith.

7. zac efron wearing a bandanna on his head to go to the junk yard. visions of a.d. hot cops dancing thru my head.

6. zac efron and vanessa hudgens dancing in the rain and not kissing.

5. east high school being incredibly easy to break in to.

4. 6 beautiful kids monopolizing every club in the school that gets any exposure.

3. boys in high school reacting to prom the way boys my age react toward the prospect of a steady relationship ("i think it's too late to back out of this" was the line)

2. beautiful snow-capped wasatch mountains.

...and my number one comment about hsm 3:

hoping the whole time that ryan and kelsi would love each other and it never happening. i guess i'll have to get that in "hsm 4: performing all those dance numbers instead of studying made you fail your finals and none of you graduated!" ...fingers crossed!

any other hsm virgins take the plunge with the latest installment? thoughts or impressions?

yoinking stuff left and right.

so earlier today i totally kyped the funny halloween safety flier from jmadd and now i'm taking a page from i *heart* you's book and posting the chuck bass commercial.

i've been meaning to tell you all that when i think about britney spears lately, my heart swells with pride for our girl. seriously, she looks great. and that womanizer song (#1 on the playlist...check it. if you haven't been humming it for the past two weeks you must have a life or something) is one of her best yet. my fav, for sure. well, second that is. second only to "not a girl, not yet a woman." reminds me of freshman year of college, first roommates, good ol days. #2 on the playlist for old times' sake...what's wrong with that?

anyway, you know i love chuck so i was pretty thrilled with this ad. enjoy:

having a little dilemma.

if you’ll look to the right, you’ll find my list of authoritative experts. i have now given over FIFTY bloggers the prestigious title. that’s a little out of control…don’t you think?

but, i use my list of experts as my little rss feed. when someone updates, they jump to the top and i read them. if you’re around much, you’ll notice that. so it’s nice for me. and well…didn’t you know that my blog is kinda meant to serve my own purposes?

you didn’t…

oh, this is awkward.

well, i’m not taking any of you off my list, because all the blogs over there i la-la-love and i want all my dear readers to know about the genius that abounds here in this quaint cybervillage of ours. but beware, experts who don’t update regularly and often…you might be moved to a separate list.

just to clean it up a little around here.

i’m still reading all of you though, and if you prove your faithfulness i will totally move you back to the main list.

so, no pressure. except, just a little pressure.

where have all the trainwrecks gone?

i mean it.

lilo is in a serious relationship, britbrit looks amazing and her career is on fire, paris hilton has been looking really classy lately, nicole ritchie is doing the whole mom thing...we haven't even heard from courtney love lately. the p!nk/carey hart divorce was more amicable than we all thought, amy winehouse is laying low and mariah carey and nick cannon are still married. not a peep from khloe kardashian.

could it be that in the midst of global financial turmoil, our most exciting celebrities have sold all shares of their own stocks and are now just sitting in their bomb shelters atop piles of cash with their shotguns and twinkies just waiting it out?

or maybe they've all become mormons?

or perhaps a little of both?

important issue to discuss over here.

sometimes, i look in the mirror and i just think:

"you should have tried harder today."

and then sometimes i look in the mirror and i go:

"AGHHHH!!! have you been walking around like this ALL DAY?"

a friend of mine, i think it was hannah, said that sometimes you just have to channel your celebrity doppelganger. your celebrity doppelganger is someone you can channel when you need a little boost in the confidence department. and i can't remember what hers was. but i'm trying to decide on one. with my new brown hair (and if i were really skinny of course), i'd say mine might be a post-breakup anne hathaway:

then again, it could be sophia bush:

but it's hard to tell. what do you think? what celebrity would you channel when your ego is in dire straights?

a stammering idiot.

is what i look like when people ask me any of the following questions:

1. so, what do you like to do in your spare time?
2. what kind of music do you like?
3. what is your favorite movie?

because chello - can you bottle sunshine? can you spell a smile? can you draw love?

you can't. no one can.

plus, in fairness, i could answer these questions but then no one would like me.

1. watch tv and blog stalk
2. whiny teen alternative and anything with kanye west
3. mean girls. i can't believe you even asked.

but that all makes me look pretty lame right?! i mean holy waste of a first impression. so i've resolved to get talking points. i'm in pr. i can do this.

once in college one of my professors made us decide what our values are. i bet you think you know what yours are but if i asked you, you'd look like a stammering idiot too.

"i think that people should just like, be good and do good things. and justice! totally justice. you know?"

wow, friend. did martin luther king jr. let you borrow his speechwriter? no?

so he had us call out values. there were probably about 100 on the whiteboard when all was said and done. then we had to write down all that really resonated with us. then narrow it down to 20, then 10, and then 5. and i still remember mine (although the professor's name escapes me):

truth.

tolerance.

beauty.

humor.

love.

what are yours?*

*which begs the question, "if i don't tell you what mine are will you think i don't have values?" the answer is yes. so you better look in the mirror.

you want it, you got it.

kind of.

in line with the results of the latest skinny poll, i turned off the auto-start on my blog music player. see? i listen!

but there’s one thing. i’m really self-righteous about my music. i’m like a californian. (love you long time, cali readers but you know it’s true.) but instead of prancing about proclaiming how much california is better than well, anywhere else, i parade about evangelizing my music. and let’s be honest, i get compliments about my music pretty regularly so…we’re gonna do something about it.

i’m going to tell you about songs i love now and again and make them the #1 spot on my little playlist to the right. and then i’m going to want your comments.

i would do song of the day but that’s waaaay too much commitment.

i would do song of the week but that’s a little too lazy.

so, stay tuned. i’m mulling it over and taking suggestions.

it's a rule.

there's this rule i learned that i like to call the five dollars rule (not the 'whoa, twenty dollars!' rule, joellen). if someone tells you a story that's really lame, they have to end it with, "and then i found five dollars." because then even though they told you a lame story, they still found five dollars.

and finding five dollars is not lame.

finding five dollars is sa-weeeet.

one time i found twenty dollars in my jeans pocket and i about passed out from excitement. c'mon. you know. here's an example of the five dollars rule in action:

once there was a girl named hollylynn who worked at a job that sometimes has quite a high pressure quotient (but i could be wrong because i'm really bad at math). one tuesday, the only personal call she got all day was a life insurance salesman and then she had an (un)intelligent debate with an intern about which episode of the oc played which imogen heap song...

...and then she found five dollars.

and that's how it's done. try using it in conversation today.

you're welcome.

revelation.

tonight at the gym, i realized something. my perfect man has his looks:

and his personality:

...have you seen him?