it's a rough neighborhood.

today i went to the 7-11 that is closest to my house.

the cashier at the 7-11 closest to my office smiles, calls me "friend" and compliments my fashion choices.

the cashier at the 7-11 by my house listens to death metal in the store and grunts the total for my icy coke to me, which if i'm not mistaken is about 15 cents higher than what i pay for an icy coke at the 7-11 by my office.

i don't know what all this means, but from now on, i'll stick with my old 7-11.

(not that the overwhelming hospitality at this new 7-11 wasn't lovely, of course.)

here you go, mom.

i feel kind of weird doing this, since now that i see the pictures (taken with my incredible 1.3 mega pixel cell phone camera) and my living room actually looks kind of sad.

just promise me you'll visualize the before and after. the before: nothing on the walls, no tables, no rug, couches in horrid plaid in an array of jewel tones, tv on one of those 19.99 bachelor pad build-it-yourself jobs.

the after (keep in mind that i still need some lamps, more accessories, and definitely paint. not that i have the ambition for painting my rented apartment, but maybe i should):

loveseat with my favorite quilt (lucas scott used to have the same one on his bed), brown shag rug that my cute mom gave me, $3 end table i painted.

here's my couch, purple satin blanket i got at tjmaxx ages ago, old windows from emilie jayne, the cutest consignment store in slc, and throw pillows from where else - target. what color would you paint this wall??

chair that belonged to my great grandpa, recovered with a sassy shower curtain, table from d.i. that i painted, canvases i painted with wallpaper i framed in the middle, and some of my old stuff.

and that's what i've done so far. be sure to stay tuned for hollylynn's half-done kitchen/dining area in the coming weeks (unless this post depressed you so greatly that you have officially stopped following this blog).

i love my life.

so today i get out of work and of course trudge through 6 inches of charming utah powder in my ballet flats. i get it, i'm stupid.

then i make the one mile, 30 minute trek home along with hundreds of other drivers that i swear have been air lifted here from pasadena just this afternoon. i figure it's probably not a good idea to go to salt lake tonight like i had originally planned.

but then i go home and oh, what's this? no power or heat at my place because the roommate who moved out had everything shut off last week and didn't tell me? and even though i had things turned back on and paid the asinine deposits and was told i would be made a priority given the weather, everything was STILL in the off position like my ipod during an airplane landing (that always annoys me)?

yeah.

oh, and my cell phone battery is dying and i've been on hold with the power company for 20 minutes with no sign of a customer service rep helping me in the next year or so?

you get it.

so i use the remaining cell phone battery i've got to illuminate my room enough to locate: cell phone charger, laptop, laptop charger, purse, coat, scarf, boots and any two socks, load everything up and head out.

and i have no food in my house because i only got back from christmas six days ago and hadn't made it to the store yet (again, stupid) and i was planning on having something tasty during my supposed jaunt to salt lake, natch.

no problem, i thought. there is a little caesar's on the way to my friends' house. i'll grab a $5 pizza. and can i tell you i was quite a sight at that little caesar's. picture this:

green sweatpants tucked into my furry brown boots
matching green hoodie (hood ON my head)
remains of today's makeup lining the crevasses of the stress wrinkles around my eyes and mouth
cashmere pashmina draped elegantly about my neck
black pea coat topping it all off
bad attitude seeping from my pores

only, what's this? hollylynn's wallet fell out of her purse somewhere between the illuminated office and the illuminated pizza joint? and she doesn't get any dinner? and hopefully she can find her wallet if/when her power and heat ever are turned on?

suffice it to say, it hasn't been my night.

my dear friends are letting me blog, call the utility company and rant incoherently at their kitchen table while i wait. i love them.

but they don't have tv. and i am missing gossip girl.

don't tell me what i missed.

but i hear aaron rose is gone-zo. and i couldn't be happier.

i hope this post doesn't get me arrested.

i'm from the town with the most high strung airport security system in north america. to be fair, i haven't ever been outside north america and some countries might be more hyper about it...but given the choice of dulles, l.a.x., s.f.o., boston logan, chicago o'hare and lewiston regional, lewiston regional takes the cake in totally out of control security practices.

once, pre-911, i kept setting off the buzzy thingy. i went through. it buzzed. i took out my earrings. it buzzed. i held my breath. it buzzed.

wanna know what was making it buzz? a luggage key in my jeans pocket with a piece of metal the size of one quarter of a very old dime.

c'mon people.

today, it is even more off the scale. i was there today and not only did i have to pay a total of $80 to check my bags round trip (neither here nor there but a pretty slutty charge. i was offended on the ads-on-the-front-page-of-the-newspaper level...it is wrong. have some respect!), but they had one guy working the security line.

he was a slow talker.

the lady in front of me was approximately 90 years old and couldn't take a step without a cane. so what did they do? just took her in the corner and felt her up for a good 5 minutes when she made the buzzy thing go off. probably eventually figured out it was all her titanium joints, sweet lady.

c'mon people.

i was trying to buy a diet coke in the "sterile area" (don't even get me STARTED on that nomenclature. seriously, if the boarding area of an airport is sterile then it would make perfect sense for me to drink out of my dog's water dish.) when the dude made me board instead. it was about 30 minutes before the plane even took off. the plane holds about 18 people and getting to it is about a 4 second travel time walking on the tarmac or jet way or whatever it's called.

c'mon, people.

it was a lot to handle on an empty stomach with no caffeine. having inherited some anxiety from one side of the family and a touch of neurosis from the other, the only prayer in the world i've got is an even blood sugar level. when they announced that there were no peanut butter crackers (only those sick delta airline cookies or peanuts), i about took my quart sized bag of liquids, gels and aerosols and threw it at the flight attendant's head.

but i fell asleep instead.

did you know that...

today while i was paying for an icy diet coke at 7-11, jon the cashier volunteered his faith in his company, telling me that 7-11 was founded in the recession of the 70’s. “we can weather another depression; we were BORN in one!” he said.

as if that weren’t a rich enough 7-11 experience for one day, he decided to give me a quiz, which officially bumps this up to the second most memorable thing that has ever happened to me while buying an icy diet coke at 7-11 (sorry, mukesh’s x5).

now i’m going to quiz you. ready? too bad. i got the first one right on the first try. ba-zing!

1. were did 7-11 get its name?
these are the original hours of operation.
2. who founded 7-11?
lady bird Johnson. “it was a WOMAN!”

well, keep your shirt on, because i wiki’d it and lady bird had no part in the 7-11 dynasty. *sigh* also, it was started in 1927.

but here’s where it gets trippy. lady bird Johnson died on 7/11/07. i know right?!
and one time a body was found in lady bird lake which is right BY a 7-11.

let’s be honest – learning the truth really took the wind out of my sails.

BUT, he also told me he liked my necklace. even though he makes things up about lady bird johnson, he continually has phenomenal taste in jewelry and a soft spot for the statement necklace.

best little black dress ever.

i have a little black dress. it is the best little black dress ever. it's a chloe dress. i bought it on the internet. i don't know if it was legit or not...but boy do i love it. and i can never wear it because i don't have a fancy enough occasion.

like a holiday party.

the last time i had a fancy holiday party to go to, i didn't even have the dress. i wore a dress i like a lot but it was not THE dress.

that holiday party was sure a scream though. i went stag and drank a bunch of diet cherry cokes with my drink tickets, circulated the room, got interrogated by swarms of married people, sat with all my work bffs and their significant others.

then about halfway through the "entertainment" - you know, someone had been murdered and the girl in the bad blond wig was going to keep doing that shrill, contrived screaming "whodunit" until we solved the mystery. too bad half my coworkers were drunk off their chairs and the other half were in food comas by this point. everyone but me was inebriated in some way. i was just extra alert from all my diet cherry cokes. and of course we were just a couple minutes away from a real murder, meaning me murdering blond wig chick.

and of course there's an extra seat at my table because you know, i didn't bring my +1, and by the way i should have tried to get the drink tickets my +1 would have gotten but i was young and sweet and didn't want to steal from the company. and of course someone from another department busts into the room in a polo shirt and jean cutoffs at this point, and by the way she was slurring her words let's just say i hope she took the bus, and of course she sits at the extra seat at my table.

and of course she proceeds to offend everyone sitting with me in the most interesting ways.

saddest part is, i'm the only one who remembers it.

if i had to endure that again, at least i would have my black chloe dress. i'm just saying.

i can't believe i forgot to tell you this.

the other day i was going to 7-11 to get an icy diet coke. i pulled in next to a lovely bmw x5. someone got out of the car - the owner of the sev!

now i always knew mukesh was a classy man (for real), but this caught me off guard.

i could hardly wait to tell jmadd who said, "it doesn't suprise me. with all the big gulps i buy there, they guy should be swimming in benjamins."

amen, sister.

this is officially the second most memorable thing that has ever happened to me while buying an icy diet coke at 7-11.

seriously?

i voted today. wahoo!

since i haven't voted in oh such a long time (i know, bad me) i couldn't remember what i needed. i asked becky:

"hey, do i just need my drivers license?"
"actually, they didn't ask for mine."

JIGGA WHAT?

i told hannah:

"they didn't ask for becky's i.d. when she voted."
"huh...yeah, they didn't ask for mine either."

YOU DON'T SAY.

i told becky:

"they didn't ask for hannah's either! isn't that kind of messed up?"
"yeah for real. for all we know, hollylynn's ballot has already been cast."

i knew she was making fun of me a little bit but i really wondered why they weren't checking for identification. i mean...right?! shouldn't they?

becky helped me formulate this plan that i would go and not take out my drivers license (she and hannah both had theirs in their hands when they approached the poll workers) and then when they didn't ask for it, prompt, "oh, don't you want to see my i.d.?"

good, huh? that'll make them straighten up and fly right. this is the american democratic process! do it right!

so i did. and they said, "nope. go over there to an open machine. thanks."

of course i always assume the worst. the first thing that flashed into my mind is chuck bass paying that red haired girl to take the SAT for serena when she was passed out from that roofie that georgina gave her.

but anyway, does anyone know why they wouldn't ask for identification? does that seem strange to anyone other than me?

why today was splendid:

1. it was one of the most positive and productive workd days i've had in weeks.
2. i watched gossip girl.
3. my dad sent me a text message - i always get the biggest kick out of that!
4. i gave myself some highlights. some very subtle highlights. highlights so faint i doubt that people with normal eyesight will notice them.

how was your day?

spooky halloween story

after being out of makeup for a good 8+ weeks (i know, so gross!), i couldn’t take it anymore. i went to the MAC counter for a fresh bottle of hyper real foundation, the greatest foundation of all. i’ve been practicing some slogans for it:

hyper real: the most amazing foundation ever
hyper real: the foundation we will wear in heaven
hyper real: when you wear it no one will know you’re a total mess
hyper real: the foundation that is not made, but is collected when the energy that radiates from serena van der woodsen’s youthful, gorgeous smile is captured and bottled as something we mere mortals can have ourselves for a just 28 american dollars, in an array of warm and cool shades to compliment any skin tone.

i kind of like the last one.

so i’m looking and i don’t see it anywhere. lip quivering, i asked the girl in black with the heavy liquid eyeliner and the flower in her hair, “where is the hyper real?”

“it’s been discontinued,” she told me, a little to cheerfully.

“what?! when?!” i demanded.

“uh…a week ago?”

the rest of this story doesn’t really matter.

i’m languishing, friends. truly sad. i’ve never had a beauty product i love so be discontinued until now. has this ever happened to you? how did you cope?

am i lame?

i think i'm going to be sarah palin for halloween. but not sexy sarah palin like in this (super funny) fake magazine cover. regular sarah palin.

i hate halloween. i'm not sure why, but i just do.

but i'm going to a halloween party for which it would be a terrible misstep to not be dressed up.

i have a skirt suit. i have glasses. i have brown hair.

i'm thinking governor palin it is.

any tips?

walk-ins not welcome at this beauty parlor.

last night i was at the office a little later than usual, all by myself, and the cleaning crew came in to do their thang while i was still type type typin' away.

i hear a rapping at the front window. i ignore it.

i hear a rapping at the back door. i go peek.

someone's out there, and i sure can't understand what they're saying. i try to communicate with the lady cleaning my office, dusting off my ol' conversational espanol (very valuable b.a....seems it turned out to be total b.s. because i could not communicate anything to her).
i leave the guy outside.

it reminded me of my old job, and old habits die hard.

i had this very loud, very smart, very intimidating boss, and this office with double tinted windows in an unmarked building. i did my little sales job from the reception area, and i had to buzz everyone in.

walk-ins NOT welcome.

"don't let anyone in, hally," he'd say. (he said my name kind of wrong.)
"if they matter they'll have a badge that gives them access to the door."
"don't let them in even if they look nice."
"don't let them in if they have an axe stuck in their head. call an ambulance and let them wait outside."

i lived and died by those words because i was scared to death of my boss, and i knew the one guy i buzzed in would come in and kill us all and steal our secret sauce.

i was often suspicious of the mailman.

and that's why last night i didn't let in the cleaning lady's husband so that she could give him the car keys.

end scene.

blaaah-ging from baaah-ston.

head over to the playlist for luka by suzanne vega. i just heard it y me gusta mucho.

so last night i took a flight to boston next to a couple who was clearly on their honeymoon. good thing you never stopped caressing each other, honeymooners, otherwise i would have thought you were only normal-person in love, but you are way more than that. so thanks for letting me know.

then when i was outside a recording studio on newberry street which for the record is the most charming street i've ever seen, a not-quite-as-charming woman told my client he would die in approximately one week. i wanted to get some pictures (of the street, not the lady) but the sun was in an awkward place.

so enough about me...how are you?

a sunday stroll, or attack of the puppy snatchers.

yesterday as i strolled through my neighborhood, minding my own business, i happened upon the sweetest little twee puppy i've ever seen, not unlike the one here. i'm pretty sure his name was cappy. i wanted to scoop him up and run like a bat out of hell into the safety of my apartment and keep him forevah.

his owners had let him just sit out on the porch(someone call the aspca) which i see as grounds for me giving him a new home. also, he was following me, so you know.

and i don't even like animals. just saying.

pythons don't bite.

this weekend while i was at the utah state fair looking at the cows, a dear man who appeared to be on staff at the fair told me three important things that i will now impart to you:

1. don't let your kid stand behind a cow even if you think the cow isn't looking, because it will get nervous and kick your kid in the face.

2. while you're sleeping by the river, you may find a beaver with a tail this wide.

3. while you're sleeping by the river, you may see a 20-, no 22-foot python slither right out of the water. but don't worry, because pythons don't bite.

that's right. a python that size will just swallow you whole.

and now you know.

frills you guys.

so, my fav little diamond rings have been missing a while. to placate myself, i decided maybe i'd buy a new watch. so i went to the buckle and found one i love and visit it from time to time. i told john walker (at the buckle), "if i dream about this tonight then i will buy it tomorrow."

wanna know what i dreamed about that night?

well i will tell you.

first of all, i'm driving around town in some champagne colored compact sedan with some person i've never met and my best friend from third grade, who inexplicably has a pixie haircut. she sits in the back seat and doesn't say a thing the whole time. i need to drive her to kaysville. but first we had to drop off at a wedding reception where i saw a boy who i went out with in high school. he was registering people for the wedding reception (because that makes total sense. it's my dream. deal with it.) and he is very intent on me checking my email and i promise i will. we keep driving to kaysville when, silly me, i forget about the open mine shaft in the middle of the freeway and we fall right into it - embarrassing! but don't worry. the car landed on a massive pile of tootsie rolls so there was no damage done to the car, me, my mystery friend or my old friend mccall with the pixie haircut.

long story short, i didn't buy the watch.

also, if you want some funny reading about dreams, check out stephanie's blog.

this is why i'm hot.

today i was paying for my icy diet coke at 7-11 when jon the cashier told me that my necklace was very nice and that it matched my dress perfectly.

AND that i had good fashion sense.

this might be the most memorable thing that has ever happened to me while buying an icy diet coke at 7-11.

the end.

fine field reporting.

i love joel mchale. love love love.

last weekend i was supposed to see him perform in vegas, and i couldn't. don't ask...i can't even talk about it. BUT, you can read about it here on mindi's blog.

but, of course the journalist in me wanted to send my own correspondent, my aunt joellen who does not have a mom haircut. take it away, joellen:

Well let's just say that it was a little slice of heaven. He was SSOOOOOO nice. I am always so nervous that I would meet someone I enjoyed like Joel and he would be rude. He kept saying how he was so glad that we came, he asked us questions like he really cared. He was more than happy to sign the huge panties (see mindi's blog above for explanation) and then added Ryan! to the crotch.

He is really tall and pretty skinny.

As we embraced I could feel his bones a little, not that I would
break him but maybe a good bruise.

His show was pretty good, personally I could listen to him for hours talking about his boys and his wife and in-laws. He had on some random outfit and I wished later that I would have asked "what is going on here?"

He made a joke about being in Utah and making a George W joke and it went silent then one guy stood up and said "what did you just say". Then he got attacked my a Mormon mob, served his two years and he is all good. We held up our panties in line and said "Mormons for McHale" He asked if we were really Mormons and we said Yes and he said that we are really clean people after smelling the large panties.

well, there you have it, people. joel is real, and he is in fact just as fabulous as we all imagined.

four tres two uno.

today after work i went to the grocery store and i found what you girls from layt-uhn might call a rill dill. they had those big bags of marshmallow mateys and frosted mini spooners, 4 bags for 4 dollars! 4 me! i was elated. and now i have lotsa off brand cereal.

the end.

happy cheesecake day.

tonight my peeps and i traveled to the land northward for some evil food from the cheesecake factory. if you don't read i am emily m, you may have forgotten that today was the anniversary of the restaurant and with the purchase of a meal, they were selling slices of cheesecake for $1.50. we did the math. gas at $4.15 a gallon + almost 60 miles of driving + overpriced entree + waiting 2 hours for a table = worth the cheap dessert. oh and the memories, of course! but seriously, good times all around. i sat with my adam's peanut butter cup fudge ripple cheesecake and thought, 'hollylynn. sure, this is fun now, but will you respect yourself in the morning?' i have gotten pretty good at ignoring that voice so i dug right in. some of the ladies and i even took a photo on my suuuper good camera phone to commemorate the experience.